1 st.October.

1 October
Pleasant sunny morning,

Lasted till now without rollies then went and bought half ounce,
gonna keep buying in half ounces till ready to quit for good.

No reply from tutor, was hoping for some material to work on to pass time, no problem.

Half hour should see flat tidied, when I return I cannot make any excuse not to go for a walk today!
Am really looking forward to meal, have cut down food intake over last few days because of having a few beers.

Drink still makes me ill at times so will probably lay off it again,

I don’t need it, I was just trying to get some decent sleep and I seem to have succeeded.
I’d promised myself a night out tonight at the local pub.
The group 101 is playing and I enjoyed their show the last time I saw them.

I resent the high price of drinks but hell I’m not in any debt so why feel guilty about spending.
I sometimes get so engrossed in saving money I forget to live.

In the last week I’ve learnt to live without tobacco,
I now know I can give it up and therefore will do it at sometime in the future.

I need the exercise to prove to me I can feel better.
I have to be careful not to replace the Cannabis and tobacco with alcohol.

I am only able to drink a couple of pints without stomach upset so my body is regulating itself, besides that drinking doesn’t give me much of an effect unless I drink sufficient spirit to bring on sleep and to drink that much regularly would be a mistake and harm any plans to improve my health.

During the last fortnight I’ve been up and down with mood swings,
possibly brought about by the interruption of tablet supply,
I break to take tablets!

For some reason the media player has ditched my selection of radio stations so will have to re tune some of my favourites which at moment are mainly relaxing meditation sounds.

All in all not a bad week;

Ÿ I finished my course work,

Ÿ Had a brief cessation of smoking,

Ÿ Refused help of Valium,

Ÿ Done some walking,

Ÿ Kept flat tidy,

Ÿ Done washing,

Ÿ Organised bills and am ready for car tax tomorrow,

Ÿ Have coped with mood swings and bout of depression, which hit early on in the week
.
I was woken up during the night by a noise which led me to believe the central heating system was on,
when I investigated I found out it was a heavy rain storm,
heavy enough to leave my car looking clean and shiny this morning so there’s a job that’s been saved.

Flowers are looking nice outside front door and mint plant inside is growing well,

I’ve been looking for some more indoor plants but as yet haven’t found anything that takes my fancy.
I open the windows and a refreshing breeze clears the room of the lingering smell of smoke.

I’m trying to change my regard for rollies from something I crave to something I enjoy in a limited way.
No more chain-smoking several off the belt.
For some reason the media player has closed itself, if these problems persist I may be tempted to install the beta version of 11.

Bird song and gentle music through the headphones;

I could close my eyes and be anywhere,
Dave’s place in Scotland or my father’s garden.

I think one of the most beneficial things I have learnt since moving here in the last year is my ability to take time out each day to relax.

I now live somewhere quiet, secure. I’m able to open the windows without importing carbon monoxide fumes from traffic and can listen to low volume music.

I still haven’t a purpose in my everyday life but hell, can’t have everything and who knows something may come up.

The other day while applying for my bus pass in the library a pamphlet asking for volunteers to help incoming asylum seekers caught my eye and for a moment I toyed with the idea,
there’s also a pensioner in the village who wants to set up a charity to help overseas projects to supply clean water to villages; perhaps voluntary work would give purpose which I sought in the college work.

I draw deeply on my third rollie and in the back of my mind would have wanted it to have been a joint but alas nothing of any value is going around and I’ve made up my mind not to waste money on any more substandard gear.

Of all the things I’ve purchased over the last few years the plasma monitor must rank as the best,
no more squinting for hours at a 13-inch screen positioned three feet away from me;
I can now relax in my lazy boy chair, feet up typing and can see output clearly.

MY stomach reminds me I’m actually hungry, it’ll probably change its tune when tonight I feed it some of the curry I made a couple of days ago after a couple of beers.

Dinner in an hour’s time, mother’s home made Yorkshires, thick tasty gravy and fresh garden veg accompanied by a generous portion of meat.
She always makes a good meal if she knows I’m to join them.

I salivate whilst typing.

Just need a wash shave and brush up and I’ll be ready.

True I don’t spend a lot of time with them after the meal, and sometimes feel guilty at eating and leaving but I enjoy it and it gives them the chance to see I’m well.

In truth before the depression hit earlier in the week I was beginning to feel a lot better, this feeling of well-being was accentuated with the added bonus of me stopping smoking for three days, a feat I still can’t believe yet I know I can replicate same.
Enough typing practise for today.