13 th.September.

13 September 20 02:51
09:15 AM had a lay down but couldn’t get to sleep so unwound. Grey day.
Backed up.
Picking up bits and pieces so not a complete waste of time.

10:45 PM been a long boring day, didn’t do much, just tidied up.
Enjoyed lie down on afternoon, am getting to look forward to same.
Going to do a bit on course work and retire tired; I hope.
Too warm to work, done three sections.

02:20 AM For the third time tonight, I’ve got out of bed and sat having a cigarette.
I’ve decided to give the body what it wants; an overdose of nicotine.
I can’t get over to sleep so have adopted a new regime, strong cider, lemonade, orange and a touch of vodka, gets me tipsy before the ciggie is finished, and hopefully will let me sleep.
This is going to be a concerted effort to give up smoking.
I’m eating them till the baccy has gone, drink will put me to sleep and hopefully I’ll awake to an empty packet.
I sink two pints in the space of two rollies and feel the effects instantly.
7.2% plus kick of vodka should help bring on the cloak of sleep.
Why am I pissed off?
Because I hurt like hell, am worried about the suit calling later today and am very disappointed with ….the college work and my inability to stop smoking without outside help.
I get the sneezes and enter a spasm of same, some 20 or so sneezes later and I’m sweating like a bull!
Like the drink I’ve concocted but would be too easy to rely on it, but cheaper than buying sleepers from my supplier.

I’ve done some exercises tonight and hurt like hell because of it.
After doing some of this college work I think I chose the wrong job I should be making instruction videos for beginners etc.
Nose is running, (more than I can do,) breathing is shallow and laboured,
am getting annoyed having to wear glasses to see keyboard,
am unable to hold glass correctly because of tendon trouble,
tinnitus is barely masked by sound from radio.
02:37 AM
I skin up hampered by length of fingernails, which have grown like hell recently,
I look at amount of dust left and decide to finish both, baccy and cider.
I remember the mornings 4.30 onwards when I used to walk to the beach to launch the boat and the cider boys would be in the shelters, empty bottles surrounding their benches,
Helluva sweat coming on.
Despite being three sheets to the wind, typing is O.k.
Sweat pouring out of me.
Why am I doing this?
Because in the past I used the technique of overkill to stop any bad habits I picked up.
I give the body anything it wants in as much quantity as it desired.
Until it reached saturation point.
Some bastards on the radio advertising bacon and its driving me crazy!
Aversion therapy was used in the past to kill addictions and in my own way that’s what I’m trying to do
02:49 AM
Last of cider is poured, (hope Ma realises the pain I went through to provide feeders for her plants).
I now roll the last cig…timed it right, only one paper left.
I use last paper as a makeshift tip and ….yes the paper splits and I have to unravel the tip to get any chance to make a last rollie…cannot leave any baccy for a.m.
Taking big draws I pull off the last one.
Another nutter in America shoots down a number of people; nothing changes.
I am pleased they are going to install carbon monoxide monitors in homes, having lost a good friend to this lethal mix .
God rest; old John.
I now have an ashtray full of doggies which have to be put out of my reach before a.m…out of the window.
03:05 AM Last ciggie extinguished. Contents of ash tray dispersed before the wind.
Pist an’ broke.