15 th. November.

15 November
Bloody awful dark, grey morning. I have to put fire on full blast to remove chill from room then turn it down to usual setting.
I look out of the window and one of the neighbours has all his windows open!
He must be frozen.
Some of the residents are early risers, probably a throwback to their working lives, others get up at opening time and the rest are,
I presume like me getting up whenever they wake.
I have always found it difficult to get up in the mornings;
Lost me a lot of time off work, never been a regular sleeper to set times.
My Father is just the opposite most of his life was ruled by the alarm clock.
The bottle is empty,
I’m a little disappointed it didn’t give me more sleep,
But now its gone.
I’m in a strange mood today; the weather has depressed me because it is so dark and dismal which colours my mood.
I dutifully take the tablets, sit in the chair and generally think of nothing.
The sounds try their best to uplift my spirits but are struggling to do so. I try to put the time to good use by allowing myself the comfort of relaxing.
This last couple of weeks has been a time of excess, especially considering the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed.

I intend to give the body some rest.

The dullness of the sky appears to lighten but I still have to have the lamp on to type.
I look at the fan in the corner of the room and am reminded of warmer days.
I recall the holiday in Spain where I spent the whole of the week in the hotel grounds basking in sunshine,
Never took a painkiller for the duration,
Relaxed and warm, two important elements in my life.
Not for me was the usual trudging around tourist shops, drinking in bars, no, I got settled on a sunbed yards away from the free bar and I was happy,
No worries about money on an all-inclusive.

Holidays for me are either relaxing in the sun or sat fishing some small water,
Both options are getting too expensive for me to enjoy regularly.

I used to fish all the hours available at one time; perhaps this coming season I will re- join the club and return to angling, equipment is cheap enough if bought second hand and the true cost is only about £2.00 per day;
Price of a pint for six to eight hours enjoyment.
Quite often I’d be the only angler on the water, which suited me fine. Occasionally deer and mink would come to the water, other times I’d be surrounded by bird song from the hedge rows and fields.
Happier days. Easy to resurrect.
The more I think about it the more sense it makes, it keeps me out of the pubs, out of the public eye and allows me to relax;
I wonder if I still have the patience,
Time will tell.
I remember some of the fellow anglers would come along, desperately trying to fit in a few hours in between shift work;
I was there from dawn till dusk, independent of any time restriction.
Fishing was my all-consuming passion at one time and I think, like an old pair of slippers it would be easy to slip back into.

Yes the more I think about it the more convinced that if all goes well I should take it up again,
Would also allow me to continue saving,
Get me out into the fresh air,
I used to get hellish suntans when I was doing it full time!
It provides a challenge, which changes daily, one has to adapt to the weather conditions and try to take fish from water when they may not be in the mood to feed.
The reason I stopped fishing was the damage done,in my opinion, by the carp anglers who destroyed a lot of the natural habitat to gain access to their prey.
Reed and lily beds destroyed to prevent the carp from escaping, took away the habitat I fished for tench and bream.
I may be disappointed and the habitat may still be sparse, will have to pay and take my chances.
Would be even better if I can quit smoking before the start of the season.

This month seems to have drifted past me like the clouds in the sky, I struggled to fill the days but pass they have and Xmas will soon be here again.
Last Xmas was spent in the company of others in the mental hospital; there was little sign of rejoicing or spirit,
Even less when my booze was confiscated!
I think about returning to the hospital, voluntarily to see if any changes have been made and to relive the experience, see who’s still in,
I presume pop will still be there and Tony will be sat in his chair smoking his life away.
I’m basically doing the same at the moment, only difference is I’m trying hard to keep my mind working, his had been dulled into submission by life in the institution.
Perhaps I shouldn’t feel sorry for them, they are fed, bedded and kept warm, supplied with the necessities and as such some are happy enough to endure the daily routine.

MAGIX MUSIC SOFTWARE £50.
The current average UK salary is £23,244, according to the Office for National Statistics.
HSBC will charge current account holders who deposit less than £1,500 a month into their account a £10 monthly fee for their account.

Passed a few hours away on the net; think I’ll spoil myself with a decent meal.
Went into village, bought 8 cans and a couple of steak pies; home, pie in microwave and I now have a burnt mouth but enjoyed pie.
Sun has broken through room is warm.

Your subconscious mind accesses the vast reservoir of information that lets you solve problems, construct sentences or locate your keys.
It puts together plans and ideas and runs them by your conscious mind.
When a new idea comes to you out of the blue,
it's because you already thought through the process unconsciously.

But when you're asleep, the conscious mind gets out of the way,
and your subconscious has free reign.
When your subconscious mind is in control, you feel much freer and may be more creative.
Your conscious mind doesn't have to filter through everything.

Step 1.Pick your most important objectives or goals.
It is best to start out with just one or two goals, preferably objectives that can be measured.
Some examples of objective measures that reflect how well you are doing are number of days you haven't had a cigarette for quitting smoking;
pounds lost per week for weight control;
or grade improvement in academic objectives
If you are having trouble getting relaxed enough to practice self-hypnosis, work on your relaxation.
Self-hypnosis is like, and just as demanding as, a musical instrument.
Once you have mastered it you can use it to make beautiful music,

Just practicing self-hypnosis sans suggestion is helpful in dealing with stress and anxiety,
and it might bring a person a little closer to knowing him- or herself.
But if suggestion is not going to be used, some form of meditation might be more appropriate

Seriously, the most common description of a good self-hypnotic state is something to the effect that you are awake, but you don't care

Suggestions are the instructions you give to your subconscious mind during self-hypnosis.
Sleep improves (less is more when it is better), and concentration and memory get a LOT better
The powerful suggestions convince your subconscious mind that it is not necessary for you to smoke, and that you don't want to.
And when you no longer want to smoke, you won't!

Made myself a lovely meal, gammon steak, chips, onions and peppers, sat up till late snacked out on tomatoes and ham, had a bath before going to bed about 2a.m.