17 th.January.

17/1/2007
11.57
Woke up to a sunny morning, feeling much better.
Have had a hot cup of tea, follwed quickly by a coffee, I can now taste things.
I realised yesterday my taste must have been affected by the poison from the tooth thus resulting in everything tasting crap.
I must have been feeling better when I returned yesterday because I got stuck into back kitchen and made a good job of tidying up and washing up, just have the front room and bathroom to do now.
Feel really better today.
Site of extraction still tastes but I presume will settle down after a couple of days.
I noticed there are a couple of bottles of beer left in the fridge and I’m in the mood to drink them and return to bed till night time, will see, alternative is to do some course work.

For months I had hung on to that tooth, it being the last molar in my upper set I was frightened if I lost it I would no longer be able to enjoy my food.
Stupid perhaps, but eventually the pain grew too great to endure it on a daily basis,
the cold air antagonised it, drinks the same.
Perhaps the stomach upsets of late could have been a direct result of the tooth being infected; either way it has gone and I feel relieved.
I suppose soon I’ll be getting fitted for false teeth; a prospect which I’m not looking forward to!
I now have to concentrate upon giving the weed up and giving myself a chance to experience life without cigarettes.
I couldn’t do it while I had the pain.
A letter from the post office regarding my savings shows a small amount has accrued
I enjoy drinking my coffee, am able to taste it and drink without the pangs of pain I’ve got used to over the last few months.
I feel released.
I had a weird dream last night; one I’ve had before,
this one seemed to be another instalment of same dream.
Long winded and unstructured it drifted from scenario to scenario.
Some of the content could have been frightening, i.e. it was based around survival of a major disaster, but having “been “ there before didn’t turn into a nightmare.
My sleep was disturbed and I changed position several times during the night but I was pain free and that made the difference.
I feel like getting drunk; if only I could!
Reading through my diary I note my past attempts to get drunk or even get any effect from alcohol and note that all the attempts have been unsuccessful.
I cannot understand why, but it’s a fact that no matter how much I drink and whichever poison I choose I don’t seem able to get any buzz.

I have two bottles, four cans and some Vodka left, surely enough to see me to sleep for the afternoon?
I contemplate buying a half ounce and going out in style but if I did that I’d have baccy left tomorrow which would only feed the addiction and bring me one more day closer to my tests on Monday.
I decide to try a bottle and see how it goes down.
Spell check has dissappeared.
I send an e mail to washer supplier, has been quite a length of time now; I remind him.
The sky darkens ominuosly and I fear the best of the day has gone.
The room becomes dark making typing difficult.
I am on the first bottle and can taste and enjoy the beer, just like old times.
A crow is sat on the gas flue and I can clearly hear its call down the chimney.
Reminds me of when I was a lad and we used to watch the farmers shooting the crows and rooks out of the small clump of trees near our house.
Pellets would land among the nearby houses and the birds would circle the area while their nests and young were destroyed.
The first few drops of rain appear on the window, a taste of the weather to come.
I drink and swill around my mouth before swallowing, the taste of blood is still faint.
I empty the bottle into the new tankard I got for Xmas; the fact that the bottle cost half as much as the pub charges registers in my mind and I feel no guilt for drinking so soon after getting out of bed.
I am enjoying the drink but am aware that there is only sufficient baccy left for possibly two thin rollies.
Just had a telephone reply to e. mail; washer should arrive next week, I can live with that.
Things are looking up!
I pour myself another beer and am enjoying every mouthful.
I knew there was something wrong the other week when I had to admit the beer was too cold!
First time in my life I’ve complained about it being too cold, usually my only cause to complain is when it’s not cold enough.
I cannot remember how many times I’ve told bar staff off for not rotating bottles when filling up shelves or fridges.
The room isn’t getting warmer, I have the window slightly open to get rid of the smoke and can feel the chill in the air.
I top up my beer, I haven’t enjoyed beer so much for years.
I don’t intend to make a habit of drinking again because I know from exeprience that I could so easily slip back into the role of heavy drinker.
In my youth I used to drink up to 20 pints per day, got into fights because of drink , became known to the local constbulary and lost friends.
About 20 years ago I stopped drinking on a night time because of the trouble, resigning myself to being an afternoon drinker, often finishing off with a few shorts at home.

Most of my money went on drink and drugs when I was younger. I lost my wife, daughter and home because of my habits and began to curtail my drinking following my divorce.
Later, possibly a couple of years or so I met an alcoholic and turned to drinking shorts, sometimes averaging a bottle each day plus perhaps a gallon of beer.
I remember one year having 120 litres of Glenfiddich in my house plus a shed full of home brew and cans.
Drinking has been a major part of my earlier life and I know not when I decided to stop but it happened.
I began to get interested in computing and therefore couldn’t spend the time in the pub and thus my drinking decreased;
I still had my session days, used to be a Saturday, but then they became too sport orientated in the club I used so I chose Sunday as my day to get drunk;
often returning home too drunk to eat the meal which had been prepared.
I then realised how much I was spending and decided if I wanted to persue computer projects I would have to get the money from somewhere and the only option was to stop drinking.
A few near sober visits to the club opened my eyes to the state some of my fellow drinkers got into and I decided to stop social drinking altogether, that is when I went back onto the dope.
I was helped by the interception of my stomach imposing its own limits, gradually cutting me down to only tolerating three or four pints before demanding an upchuck.
I then had the responsibility of driving and cut down even further to remain inside the law, observing the limits set.
I couldn’t see the point of only having two pints so my habit was further pared.
I began to prefer drinking at home, with out the hassle of possible conviction for driving etc.
I was at one time one of the drinkers who paid the wages of the bar staff, every penny I had went behind the bar and when I realised that I rebelled against it.
True I treat myself to the occassional bottle of spirits but I see no point in spending excessive amounts of money behind a bar for what is usually cheap spirits when I can buy a decent bottle and it will last at least two sessions.
To come back from being an alcoholic to a person who drinks responsibly was hard work but something I didn’t do conciously, the above mentioned factors all played a part in my changing from a habitual drunk to a near abstainer.

Dope no doubt played its part in this change, I could get a buzz and be transported into a better frame of mind much quicker and cheaper than drinking.
I now have no craving for dope; do not use it on a daily basis, have reached the point when I no longer think of it as an option because of its low quiality.
Beer and spirits no longer produce an effect so I have conquered quite a few of the acceptable social pastimes.
I have come to enjoy relaxation, being stressfree, safe from outside intervention and possible confrontation , danger.
I keep myself to myself and being in bed, relaxed and safe is a treat!
If I can pass away the afternoon relaxing I feel better.

It is easy to dismiss Muslim parents as old-fashioned and traditional, but when the rest of the country is busy wondering how to respond to a culture of rampant disrespect, it is worth considering whether they could learn from Muslim values.
Muslim children are more likely to be brought up in two-parent families rather than the single-parent households that are increasingly common in Britain.
They have instilled in them a strong moral code, in which the children's greatest fear is of bringing shame on their family. Their children learned that responsibility to their parents does not end at the age of 18. That is why so many British Muslims live in extended families today
Another benefit of writing "just the facts" is that readers can interpret the words, fill in the spaces, and draw their own conclusions.
I believe that each person has been given the amazing opportunity to create their own memorial.
That memorial is the story of their life.
It pains me to think that there are people who spend whole days, whole lives, without purposely leaving something behind.
The moments of our lives should be noticed, recorded, examined (when there's time), and passed on.
Everyone, I think, should do something towards writing their life story.
There are many ways to create a legacy of your life, and I believe that almost all of them are some form of sharing stories,either through telling stories or writing them.
That's why this blog is here.

I'm very diary reliant, which definitely has its drawbacks
They don't reflect my thoughts, but they remind what I did and when –

Lucklily I have an un complicated life.

If you want something to change, something's got to change... and YOU are the only thing you really CAN change. As YOU change... as you learn to think the right way. everything else will begin to fall into place just as it should

Physical activity builds physical vitality. With every year of your life, you have more to gain from being physically active; as your age-related risks of chronic disease increase, regular exercise generally slows or reverses that trend.
Are you ever going to be fit again as long as you live? The answer is unless you make a resolution to get fit – you’re never going to be fit – ever.

FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE NOT THOSE WHO EARN THE MOST , BUT WHO KNOW HOW TO SAVE AND INVEST FOR THE FUTURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE IN IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION.
BEING DEBT FREE , SHOULD BE AT THE TOP OF THE LIST,

THIS IS YOUR LIFE . LIVE IT ‘’NOW’’!
Becoming a non-smoker is probably one of the best decisions you can ever make, and is a life changing as well as a life saving decision.
Once you’ve made the resolution to stop, acted upon it and succeeded, you'll feel great about what you have achieved.
Resolving to give up is your decision, and will improve your life from that moment on. No one can make you quit, and no one can help you make the resolution. You have to do it yourself, you have to want to do it, and you need to do it now!
IT TAKES GUTS TO LEAVE THE RUTS!!
So you've been hearing that voice again, the one that says you're not doing what you were born to do. That may be true, but how do you figure out what you should be doing?

YOU MAY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER SOME EVENTS OR CIRCUMSTANCES ,
BUT YOU COULD CHOOSE TO BE OPTIMISTIC
OPTIMISTIC PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY .
Count your blessings daily. Doing so will keep you in a positive state of mind.
Life is hard.
You only live once.
Don't just take up space.
Forgive others quickly. Being angry with someone else is like drinking poison.

Every time you make an excuse, you give away control of your life. Stop making excuses.
Watch less TV. Your TV is keeping you from your dreams. TV wastes hundreds of precious hours of people's time
Take more chances. You'll never know what you were missing in life until you dare to pursue your dream.

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

If it is to be it is up to you. Nobody can succeed for you. You have to make it happen. There is no one to stop you but yourself. Decide you will make it happen.

What you believe will determine what you will do.
People will say you are lucky but you'll know luck had nothing to do with it.
If you're going through hell...keep going!" - Winston Churchill.
(And with a little bit of luck no one will notice you are there!)
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUR LIFE !
YOU CAN NOT GET DIFFERENT RESULTS BY DOING THE SAME THINGS OR DOING THEM THE SAME WAY
….DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
You know those folks who seem to have an inborn ability to see the positive in whatever happens? I mean they don’t even have to try to be optimistic?
Hmm. Well, I don’t. Not really. For most of us, trying to find and maintain a positive attitude can be difficult, especially in the face of adversity. Learning how to do that – learning how to “do” optimism – is an intention, a daily decision. I call it Intentional Optimism©. Despair is easy, isn’t it? Many of us experience it as a natural, even normal response to insult, injury, disappointment and loss of all kinds.
But despair drains our energy and impairs the ability to act in ways that help us reach our goals and dreams.
If I had the blues, I’d write about what was going on, and how I was feeling.
I’d talk to myself in the writing, and it would help me change how I was thinking,
and how I felt.”
Someone gave me a diary, and I started writing.
And I discovered that it helped – so I kept doing it.”
Those of us who are not born optimists must create optimism.
But first we must create intention. “You have to make a decision to think this way,”
“It’s not just that I see the glass half-full instead of half-empty;
it’s that I know where to get more water.” (Smiles).
Optimists experience the same things pessimists do, but instead of generalizing the bad situation, feeling it will last forever, and feeling out of control, they talk to themselves differently.

Well, I wrote this diary and I thought it was about one thing, but now it turns about to be about six or seven things. How overwhelming is that?

Intentional Optimism teaches you to change the language of your thoughts.
When you are able to change your thoughts, you will more easily change your actions and your feelings.
We can’t change what’s out of control in this life
But we can change our minds and become more resilient.

Had a couple of beers and went back to bed at 3.30, got back up at 6.30 and had my second Sunday dinner.
Watched TV till the early hours and went to bed, tired but unable to sleep, must have been about 4 when nodded off.