18 th. December.

18/12/
10.45
Stayed up late again, Watched Clockwork Orange!
Went to bed and had an uneasy night’s sleep, was constantly aware of the cold.
Got up this morning and the room was freezing, took ages for the fire to take any effect, luckily there is a clear sky and signs that the sun will prevail.
Let down by dealer last night but he’s assured me he will try again tonight to secure me a deal; hope so.
When I opened media player there were some updates available for player 11, suspicious since I have player 10; seems to have stuck during installation but giving it time.
Will have to venture out today and the place is a tip, will have to do some serious tidying up.
Have had to rummage round and find my old trusty fishing socks; it was that cold when I got up!
Apparently the “cold snap” is not due till later in the week, will have to think about putting full system back on because the flat is very cold. But saying that I’m not expecting anyone so may just get away with what I have on now and wear extra clothing when I go to bed.
Am not wasting vast amounts of money to heat rooms I’m not using and the heating in the bedroom is inefficient, to say the least.
Did a restart and succeeded in getting updates, will check for more, no important ones seem to be needed so have left custom alone.
Room is slowly warming; have taken a tablet this morning because I was feeling a little anxious.
This time of year usually sees me experiencing all kinds of emotions so will have to be aware of them.
That was one of the reasons I wanted some gear, to allow me to relax and let the holiday period slip quietly by!
I don’t hate Xmas; just what it has become.

The majority of toys and clothes are sold at this time of year and the commercial side has almost totally taken over from what is simply a bastardised Pagan festival.
True is may give an excuse for families to come together for a few hours or days but the turmoil and pressures it puts people under is not worth it.

I was sat in a pub yesterday and there was a family on the next table; the young lad went missing and the parents assumed he’d gone to the toilet.
When they asked him where he’d been as he came back into the pub through the front door, he answered he’d been to have a look at the bike he was getting for Xmas.
He had gone out to the local car shop to have a look at the bike he expected to get;
his parents explained he might not get the one he had been looking at because they hadn’t used that particular shop.

So much for the mystery of Xmas, the child was disappointed and began to tell his parents about all the features on the bike over the road; clearly he will be upset if his present doesn’t have the same specifications.
His mother pointed out that the bike he was getting was to be the only present;
I hope the kid isn’t too disappointed on Xmas day.

Expectation fuelled by commercial pressure equals disappointment to many a child, I’m sure.
I sat back and drained my beer and felt glad I had no similar experience to look forward to.
The room is warm and the sounds are playing so I will take some time to tidy up and then venture out, returning in time for my dealer.
I anticipate a relaxing night.
The uncertainty of supply nowadays is annoying to someone who has been simply used to regular deliveries.
I have come a long way from smoking half an ounce at least a week to someone who has only had half an ounce in the last five months!
I see no reason to frequent the pubs and clubs over the Xmas period just to greet fellow drinkers with “merry xmas”, along the same lines I have no need to seek company to “celebrate” New Year.

Scrooge, I may be;
Selfish? Undoubtedly.

I know what people are like this time of year and have no intention of putting myself at risk by mixing with a crowd of drunks.
I know what alcohol can do to a person and do not want to be anywhere near anyone who’s personality changes as their intake increases.
I may give myself a pat on the back on the 21 st. Recognition for surviving the year.
Why the 21st?
Find out for yourself.
The sun is getting up in the sky and the room is quite pleasant, will be loath to leave its comfort.
To feel comfortable in pubs full of drunken strangers does not come easy. I recall my drinking days when I may have turned up “late on Parade” and the usual crew would be a few pints in front of me.
It was almost impossible to interact until similar level of intoxication was reached.
Sundays were the easiest because all of the crew would be out to get drunk; only purpose being there, the restricted opening hours meant everyone started at the same time and continued till closing at two.
Nowadays with the easing of the opening hours company can be found in various stages of intoxication at different times throughout the day and night.
When drinking during the day with the same crowd everyday, you get to know your companions and know when they have reached their limit;
you can set your watch to some people and are thus prepared for the “turn” when they become aggressive or simply silly with the drink.

“You can’t reason with him when it gets to five”, that was said many a time about one member who would regularly kick off when he reached a certain level.
Anyone known for this behaviour would be watched closely if they changed their drinking habits, for example getting into company and drinking shorts instead of sticking to their usual beer.
I could feel reasonably safe knowing this information about the regulars and thus knew when to vacate the premises to avoid a good session being spoilt.
Thus I’m usually uneasy about drinking among strangers.
Monday is known for the reduction in price in a pub I used to use and therefore it attracts hardened drinkers taking advantage of the lower prices.
The quality of the beer often reflects the price but undeterred they consume more than normal and as a result become verbal after a while.
Friendship is the only reason a lot of them gets away with it; they become known for being fallible to alcohol so people who know them therefore put up with their actions.
Often a person with such habits sticks to certain pubs because they know themselves it probably is the only place where their behaviour will be tolerated.

Since moving here I haven’t seen a drunk;

True I haven’t been out drinking too much but the majority of people I’ve seen seem to know their limit and adhere to it.
My father used to work hard and play hard, enjoying his drink in between shift work;
I could not fault him, especially after seeing the boring job he did.
He now drinks outside the village so has to drive and therefore is restricted to the legal limit.
I too drive and will have to learn to curtail my intake.
Time to start work on the flat.
Back kitchen done; ail pots washed, bathroom quickly skimmed over and front room dug out and hoovered, all in the space of an hour.
I washed, shaved and go ready to venture out.

Car was full of condensation but that cleared before I parked up in the village, went to Post office and got my money, drawing out what I’d saved; bought a Xmas card for parents and returned to car clutching my favourite steak pie.
Ate that and went on to Redcar.
The assistant in the Opticians knew what I wanted and presented me with some new contact lens, a different brand to what I’ve been used to;
“the optician wants to see you in about a fortnight”, she said as she handed me lens, case and solution.
I went for my wallet and was told these were on the house;
I wished her merry Xmas and left.
I sat in car and put lenses in, seemed o.k.
So decided to go to pub.
Not too many in, majority were sat surrounded by the evidence of successful shopping trips.
I got into company and the conversation was about the old days in the steel works and iron foundries, I chipped in a little about my own experiences but sat most of the time listening.
Eventually the topic of work began to bore me and I bade them good-bye.
Returning to Marske I called into the club, there were four people in.
I sat where I usually sit and asked if everyone was o.k.
They replied they were.
One guy. A regular had obviously had his usual 6 pints;
I greeted him.
He told us of his plans to make the most of the club’s opening from 11 till 2 then progress to the “top house” where he had booked his Xmas meal for three o’ clock,
I told him I hoped he would enjoy it,
a reminder of Xmas spent alone.
He had been repaid a loan and finding himself £20 better off he gave one guy £10 to treat himself to a bottle of Brandy and decided to spend the rest on a round of drinks for us four who were the only other occupants.
We thanked him for his generosity; he then treated himself to a couple of double whiskies; hope he got himself and his invalid carriage home safely.

He has a kind heart, he’d told us of his good fortune in winning an oversize teddy bear in the Xmas raffle, he gave it to the parents of a mongoloid child living in the village, and it gave him a feel good factor.
I applauded his actions.
Returning home I phoned my dealer but no answer so went to bed and awoke at 8 15.
Made myself a couple of rounds of mince on toast.
Few hours TV, then bed. Much warmer night than the previous one.