20 th December.

20/12/
Got up to another gloriously sunny day.
First cuppa, ciggie and then a Joint.
Typing going to be a little slow!
Was thinking when in bed yesterday, why not celebrate Thursday with Ash; I could tell him its an old Pagan ceremony to give thanks for surviving the previous year.
I imagine villagers giving offerings and thanks for the success of their crops and for any additions to their brood.
To look back on the previous year and give thanks for everything that has happened seems a good ideal.
I can look back on mine and give thanks for coming out of it with my Sanity;
For the help of my parents during difficult times and been given the chance to have a glimpse into a possible, frightening future.

I don’t know when “Giving thanks” became “thanks for giving”, but I suspect the commercial forces of the time had something to do with it.

The more I think of what Xmas has become over my lifetime the more I rebel against taking part. The sheer volume of commercial bombardment is overwhelming to some I’m sure.
To me the falseness of everything tarnished greatly the overall concept of thanks giving.
The advice is to use “season’s greetings” as the preferred safe salute; just in case anyone of a different belief is annoyed!
Thus political correctness enters yet again, intervening with traditions.
Just downloaded java update.
The sunlight pouring into the room highlights the heavy lingering joint smoke, which seems to have filled the room.
I watch disappointed as the interesting smoke trails mingle and become a ghostly haze.

Perhaps a double loaded single wasn’t a good idea after all!

Sounds are playing, fire’s on. Joints burning and sun’s shining,
what more can a man wish for?
Sat half upright, warm, relaxed letting the sounds wash over and through me.
Good day to practise meditation techniques.
My mouth and throat dry up, forcing my tongue to search desperately around my mouth looking for moisture; sticking momentarily to the roof of my mouth, I take a sip of cold tea and swirl it around my mouth, through my teeth. I swallow and my mouth is again clear of the mucus, which had sprouted up.
Several swallows later a balance returns and my mouth is reasonably moist but not as it should be.
Another drink of tea and much lip smacking, the skin almost sticking to each other’s surface; pieces of skin are ripped off as lips part
I see spell check as some form of insane TV show, the expectation and hope that the right word is displayed and you are spared the effort of re typing.
The Grammar section seems to be getting really aggressive with me lately, criticising sentence structure etc.
Have had several arguments.
After pondering my ability to do proposed task effectively I decide to have a cuppa.
I return from the kitchen and re- enter the smog, which has taken, over my front room!
I light up a rollie and extinguish it after a couple of draws;
It’s not what I want!

I pause to skin.

I take the time to listen to the sounds, first time for ages I’ve actually sat and listened.
Today is hard work; inspiration is void.
The smoke collects in the shafts of light and I think if that is the only mist to descend upon me today then I’d rather have a grey mist than a red one.
The sounds momentarily hold my attention but soon return to their intended function of washing over me as I relax.
Take time out for myself.
Become still.
To really listen to music you have to let each sound touch a different part of your body, be that muscle groups or particular limbs. As you allow your senses and body to be bombarded with the signals your body begins to feel as if it is being played, similar to an instrument and the true music can therefore be physical and mental.
Don’t know where that came from!
I look at the joint flashing across the keyboard in my left hand and wonder.
This joint should I hope bring on the stone; usually there is sufficient to reach optimum peak which allows one the pleasure but lets you function.
I have listened almost exclusively to this meditation channel which I found low in the ranks of speed.
Hundreds of hours spent listening yet never being able to remember the last track!
Audio for Goldfish.
Hell I enjoy it,
As soon as you pause and listen there is immediate interaction until focus is turned elsewhere then it returns to being background noise, minimal interaction needed,
Wide pitch range to suit all Tinnitus sufferers!
I finish the joint with a hot mouthful of smoke!, sure sign, was nearing roach.
I chastise myself for not buying everlasting roach when discovered it on net.
Free plug there.
There is one annoying sponsorship break every hour, that is a bummer for bringing one back to reality with a bump, a fucking advert.
Usually takes a while to settle down afterwards but quite quickly the sounds play their part.
I rub my hand over the back of my neck and appreciate the warmth of the contact,
I try to relax a few of the tense muscles in my neck; partial success, my head tilts back. Heavy.
Perhaps a return to bed is on order?
Returned to bed, got up at night time and watched TV films.