20 th February.

20/02/2007
Having sat up till after three in the morning watching TV I arose late today at 1.
I sat down and immediately noticed the distinct sign that there was little or no energy in this body today.
I opened my diary, put the sounds on and filled in some of yesterday’s details.
Yes, I had had a good day, and thus resolved there and then to have a similar one!

Only on first joint, but with it being the first of the day the hit is pleasant and relaxing.
The fire is off, the window is open, and
I’m in no position to alter anything, can’t be arsed to get up, don’t even know if I’d be able to.
Still no panic, won’t really chill down outside for an hour or so.
Sounds are ace; meditation sounds, flutes and oboes, strings and crazy percussion, all mingle to provide a comforting backdrop.
I pause and momentarily think of the huge sound system, 500 watt amp, and theatre surround system!
I stop myself from shedding a tear.
I now enjoy quieter sounds, listened to at acceptable volume,) a level set following a few experiments with the neighbours.
As slow to change as a graveyard, that’s me.
Expectation and ambition, nil.
A mellow pipe sound is played over the plucking of a harp, my mind follows every sound as it trips and flutters around the many octaves available.
I recall my old system having too much control over what I was listening to, every track had to be altered and the volume continuously altered as the other remote allowed me to select signal and which speaker to put it through, constant Mexican waves of sound would circulate the room as my fingers worked their magic on the remote keyboard.
Hell it was the nearest anyone would get to conducting.

Following drum rolls or two or three octave Bass descents through the speakers and back again several times before isolating a Sax or trumpet to be played through the single satellite, gradually lower the volume till almost inaudible then slowly bring back to a crescendo before merging with the next section of rhythm.

Discs arranged in neat storage/ display racks, piles of scratched, dated, L.P.s, boxes and sacks of cassette tapes, computer disc compilations everywhere, video tapes,
Out of chaos seek order.

I now have a collection of 15 cds all beautifully displayed in a pine wall holder,
All discs are freebies inserted into jewel cases.
Each one has been copied onto the P.C. to form a juke box should I ever desire such entertainment.
The three sacks of tapes remain happily settled out of easy reach in the loft.
My video tapes were carefully disposed off, my L.P.s given away.
I’m quite happy to switch on the P.C. and tune into one of the stations, doesn’t take long to find the ones that play uninterrupted sounds.
So I put up with the speakers which cost less than a tenner, and my £300 ones remain covered with bin liners; breaking the semi darkness of the bedroom with sentry like appearance.
I do miss that system, the clarity and separation of the instruments was almost painful to listen to, in some configurations it was.
I would play around with rock operas; if I disagreed that a section should be quiet I would reverse it and crank up the volume to produce a reversal of the original, quieten down crescendos,
I especially liked cranking up the fade out from the end of tracks, all sorts of gems can be gleaned, surprises.
It was that system which gave me the opportunity to actually appreciate the potential of the keyboards I’d been playing for 15 years.
I remember being moved to tears at the beauty of the sounds I was able to produce from the keyboard to the system.
The instruments were alive! And I threw myself into learning to play a selection of individual instruments, i.e. sax, obviously, clarinet, violin, trumpet, searching the web sites for recordings of players, trying to mimic the sounds of the mouth etc.
I put my guitar through it and once after a long session I was winding down for an hour or two with the guitar and keyboards, about three in the morning, cold, morning, I had the windows open to get rid of some of the cloud of cannabis smoke which always accompanied a session.
I remember I was too stoned to play from music, simply because my eyes wouldn’t focus on the many pieces of music which stood before me.
I went through thousands of songs from my music books and all the while I was playing them, changing the style of playing I was imagining which instrument would be best to play this tune as a solo.
I thus found songs and tunes which were ideal to practise my technique on.

Thus I was well wrecked, on last joint and deciding to crash in about a half hour,
I gently played the strings of the guitar, I forgot about chords completely when I found a combination of strings which seemed to produce a sounds I liked, the strumming picked up a blues tempo from somewhere and played in a jazz style the two intermingled.
I relaxed, looked away and strummed out a series of sounds which relaxed me,
Lyrics went around my mind but they weren’t jostling to be written down or taken seriously they were just there if required.
The more I relaxed the more I ignored the lyrics and dismissed any thoughts of trying to repeat or record what I was doing,
Outside the rain was pouring, and because of bad workmanship, the rain actually fell inside the guttering on our house, the rain would drop and hit the P.V.C. window sill.
I listened to the rain, the lyrics of the song going round my head at the same time.
As I listened I did hear the sound of the pouring rain and it became a beat, a rhythm of life, I played along to the beat, both following it and listening to it.
On the keyboard I’d been obviously restricted by music availability;
I’ve had the same collection of music books for over twenty years now and as a result all my playing has come from this collection because I’m only a sight reader.
After much playing I came across a book which seemed to hold more suitable tunes than the rest so I concentrated on learning every song in the book.
Over and over I played through the book, most of the tunes were relatively unknown to me so I tried several different styles on each tune, I eventually I found myself playing and switching styles without being conscious of doing so.
For the best part of my life I was taught music had to be played within certain guidelines and restrictions, yes, I agree, timing is important but I found it easy to break away from the metronome and began to play..
As the mood would take me.
I began to play in a much freer, experimental way.
I played classical music and quickly learnt where some of the producers get their ideas, I recognised pieces of one song in another and would combine the styles of those together.
Only having one book of religious music, The Carey Bonner song book,
I used the classical scores for when I experimented with the several types of organ on the keyboard, the power of sound was amazing.
My 20 ft square, empty living room was often transformed into a church, with the droning of the organ.
One of the most successful and rewarding instruments I practised was the Xylophone, I experimented with the range of sounds within the octave range, some of the sounds were amazing at the top end, the high end is like the sound of someone sprinkling silver dust, sounds to accompany a gentle waterfall, magical and mysterious.
The bass sounding phone was deep and velvety, rich and resounding, very pleasing to the ear.
I had developed an easy style and was enjoying the sounds produced without worrying about the tune or any memories I may have had of that tune.
I was playing the guitar in the same, laissez faire way and eventually I got a string of sounds together and more often than not could remember vaguely where I’d had my fingers, I experienced a glow, the amp was turned to almost inaudible and the volume controls on the guitar were on low, the sound was sufficient and apt for the time of morning and balanced the sound of the rain became as another instrument, present in the room behind me.
I had no idea what I was playing but it was giving me great satisfaction at the same time as annoying me because I knew then, while sat there that I had experienced something, a feeling, a sensation, satisfaction and contentment.
I knew, as I played I would never replicate what was happening.
I did of course wake up following the crash and immediately start fooling around with the guitar whilst drinking my first cuppa of the day and skinning up.
I was looking at the guitar neck and trying to figure out what combinations I possibly may have been using, but to no avail, I’d been plucking strings and using combinations of one, two three and four, finger plucking, sliding and strumming, extra beats provided by tapping the body.
The experience of pleasure on the guitar and keyboard was almost spiritual.
For 42 years I’ve played keyboards and in the space of a few weeks following intensive playing I achieved my goal, to play sounds which filled me with emotion and gave me pleasure. I had felt the Blues.

I passed the guitar on to a budding heavy rock star, I gladly gave him the cabinet Amp, hating the harshness of it.
I held on to my keyboards and as they have done many times during the past they arrived with me at my new home.
I soon realised that to live here I would have to respect the neighbours; after all that is how the micro society of this close works.
We all ignore each other and live behind closed doors, exactly as we wish to.
In a fit of temper and frustration I smashed my keyboards up; of all the stupid things I’ve done that was undoubtedly the tops! One dead Yamaha, 420, I think.
I will probably replace them in the future.

Been a slow dark day, the sky is heavy grey and uninspiring,
Time to move and get room warmed up, finger ends have gone numb, often happens, something to do with circulation; I suspect.
French horn was another favourite, I must have had twenty or so favourites plus a long list of hopefuls, if only I could make them sound even more realistic.
I would listen, through head phones, play single notes and listen to each note as it died, concentrating on every nano second of its existence, noting fluctuations, wobbles, nuances.
making a mental note of the length of time it takes to render it inaudible , then amplifying the silence to hear even the last drop of sound.
Some notes on the church organ etc seemed to live forever.
It was then I changed from being someone able to read music and knock out a tune from same to someone who appreciated sound and the making of same.
Dropping pitch altered the suitability of the song and allowed it to be metamorphosised into a different style, almost imperceptibly.
Four years previous I’d been working on a home entertainment centre based around the two P.c.s I had.
I was given some London 5-1 P.C. speakers, I had very little money to spend to decided to opt for virtual equipment.
I replaced the sound card to whatever I could afford and set off.
First I had to learn about speakers; I had 15 in the room and all had been used in various mixes, amplification was often through guitar amp and result was harsh!
I’d work for 24 hours plus, music supplied by ear phones and Carlos Santana on continuous loop.
I spent hundreds of hours working with the same sound in my phones;
I’d then decided to sit and listen to it and it felt like the first time; for the majority of the time I let sounds wash over and go through me, I have to make a conscious effort to listen to them.
I pause to wipe joint ash off keys, getting quite hard to discern which key is which.
Not wanting to type rows and rows of nonsense which will invariably confuse me, I opt to lick the offending ash off, ( such devotion to so simple technology!).
The keys are now clean but sticky.
Second joint is slowly creeping up on me,
How do I know?
Three spelling mistakes in last sentence.
In my defence it is getting dark and I’m typing in lamp light.
A black spider makes an appearance from under one of the speakers and travels across the floor to settle under the upturned rug.

To return; I learnt about speakers and therefore the basics of sound waves, how they react to the environment and how to achieve the optimum set up.
So many different types of speakers, such huger range of prices.
I then learnt about cabling and read many a report on a cable system often 1,000’s of pounds dearer than some of its rivals!
I wasn’t too bothered,
All I wanted was a radio station able to transmit scheduled programs, juke box library etc from my system which incorporated all the media equipment I appeared to have collected over the years.
Big speakers and small speakers, motion inducing woofers, I’d never seen a minus 50 calibration on an amp!
I then turned towards the system options available.
Obviously surround sound was the next thing but it wasn’t as simple as it appeared, many systems were poorly thought out thrown together with little thought of end product.
And so was mine, I hooked the system up, downloaded a virtual amp and went through the available set ups.
I was pleased with what I had considered to be the end product and for a while I listened to as much music as I could lay my hands on.
I then had to research the different types and claims of some systems.
Effects were the next area to be explored and with each and every piece of software I installed the system was tweaked , until one night.
All of a sudden while listening to the sounds I noticed the quality had got better, noticeably better, I quickly flipped in a couple of standard, well played discs and listened, almost for the first time again, but with more clarity and impact.
The sound had definitely been improved.
Unfortunately equally easy to discern was the drop in quality when after a few days the system reverted to normal, and I hadn’t been able to find out what had caused the improvement.
I was in the dark for a while.
I didn’t let it worry me and concentrated on throwing out some of the speakers, quite a few were undoubtedly damaged due to volume levels.
I tried out several pieces of virtual equipment and eventually ended up with a reasonable set of separates.

Then one day, Lo and behold, the sound came back.
And it pleased me,
I made lists of the present combination and assigned the others to the bin.
I then began to build my juke box, from which I thought one day if the fancy takes me I would make up measured compilations and transmit them as part of a series of scheduled events from my web site or in the activity timetable.
That was something else to learn,
scheduling a show.
Kinda like a redundant DJ, but with the capability of doing a live mike or cam connection if interest takes off.
I then remembered the hassle with the bucket mothers on the CB.
The idea drifted to the outside of the crowd and I worked on the system.
I then resented the lack of space available in my small room,
I realised it would be no good trying to set up a system in the office to be used in the music room, the front room,
Wooden floor, unpapered plaster walls, 20 ft square, uncluttered, perfect for sound.
I took the p.c. and sound system down to the front room and tried the system out ,
it seemed o.k.
I tried harnessing a few more speakers into the loop, learnt that by experimenting with the positions a balance can be achieved,

A Good amp and good speakers, is what I learnt from the many reviews.

I remember asking a salesman on the phone,” what’s the amp like, is it powerful?”
He replied, “you wouldn’t want to be near it when its angry!”
I took that as a yes and bought a sound system which seemed to be too good to be true as a virtual present for accepting to buy a Plasma TV as well.
That was the basic deal,

Now I hate TV, obvious by amount of time I’d spend on P.C. so why should I, someone who spends all his time looking at a computer screen buy a plasma TV?
Truthfully, for one reason.
I’d spent years hunched up in front of a 13 inch screen, squinting.
And the plasma on offer had a dedicated PC.I. interface.
So I bought my dream come true, A 42 inch computer monitor, HD ready, fantastic refresh rate,
I remember one morning opening the mail, my companion asks what I had in my hand as I stood up to unfold the contents of a large letter.
“It’s a picture “,I replied,
having the advantage of the image only being printed on one side, my side.
“What of?” she asks,
“Don’t know until I get it unfolded”, I reply.
“It’s a fucking tele”, I add.
She repeats the words thoughtfully,
“It’s a picture of the tele I’ve bought”, ( I’d stopped calling it a monitor, she doesn’t understand, P.C.I.),
In my mind I fast forward to some of the rows which will undoubtedly occur when P.C. use is established as being supreme and therefore pulls rank on viewing.
I turn around and hold the picture up for her to see,
“Its fucking big”,
“Fucking big”, I mumble.
“How big is it, this tele you’re getting?”
“Is it as big as that?” She added,
“This is it!”, I pointed it out it was a full scale picture to give us an appreciation of the impact it was going to have upon the room.
“That’s nice of them”, she said,
“Do you want your keyboards and music tidying up?” She asks.

“Don’t fucking touch anything”, I bark at her.

I put the picture down and sit,
We both sit,
Quietly staring,
At the portable television in the corner some good few feet away, it looked so abandoned and helpless,
The main television had blown up some weeks previously,
Prompting me to search the world for something to replace it which may be suitable to greet the new dawning of the digital age.
I obviously didn’t realise then that I’d have to wait several years for the experience to arrive!
I unfolded the picture and stood it in front of the portable.
I sat down.
“That’s fucking big”, we both said it at the same time,
“Jesus, that’s gonna be big!”
“Can’t fucking wait,” we both agreed.

For the best part of two weeks the picture stood in front of the portable and we eventually got to accept it would be the biggest item in the room and immediately draws your eye but eventually we gave it no more than a sideways glance and after a few days we agreed it would probably fit right in.
I hadn’t told her the audio system was part of the set up, she thought it was my treat to myself and would end up in the office, she had no idea what I had in mind.
Visitors would wander into the room, check if I was alive and tell me,
”That’s a fucking big tele”
I explain its not a tele it’s a monitor, you know for my computer,
They ask me where am I going to sit?

“Nowhere”, I reply, “I’ll lay here on the sofa and control it from here, music as well,”
“Music?”, They ask, “it’s a tele, you mean the music channels”,
“No I reply its my selection platform for my juke box, I make the selections on screen and it plays in the background”.
I explain, it makes it easier for me to see the library, also to read the e. books which I used to enjoy listening to while working,
I’d thought of art and decided a 42 inch canvass would be adequate if I delved into computer art, or medial manipulation. I would to be able to morph and produce something akin to the visuals.
I also explained that the outside camera would replay through the screen, also the motion detect facility in the p.c. cam for internal security.
Even possible to plug into p.c. to take a mug shot of any intruder.
Obviously it would have been a gamers godsend but alas I don’t do games, not just yet.
I did go into several music making/ mixing etc sites, at the time I was playing about with some of the free release clips from the black generation of America, tracks offered freely for people to experiment with.
To be perfectly honest I couldn’t get my head round some of the basic concepts,
I therefore didn’t dedicate that much time to trying to learn, I returned to my shell and returned to concentrating on keyboard generated sounds rather than instrumentals.
I wanted to simply lay down some sounds in whatever format lent itself to being altered out of all recognition by as many virtual devices as were available.

Hence the attempt to match the pitch and tone of my tinnitus, got to within half a note.
I digress, somewhat, so apologise and return to us sat looking at a picture of the expected tele.

I say looking at the picture because that’s all we did, the portable had decided to pack up and of course I wasn’t going to buy a replacement.
I call it expected tele, because the manufacturers did overrun the delivery time somewhat,
I cheered myself up with the thought that at last I’ve got a shit hot speaker set and amp.
I had researched the qualities of speakers and it was all to obvious that I’d need them at optimum head height, but then I had to take into consideration the vast amounts of time I’m laid out or reclined in chairs,(which I’d seen and decided to buy).
Heights of satellites seemed suitable and thought of brushed steel with chromed topped towers blew my mind.
I was more than a little eager for it to arrive.
We were warned by telephone to expect a delivery the next day, we stayed in and no delivery.
I’m on the phone telling this guy that this purchase represents more than a year’s scrimping and saving, not to mention leaving the booze alone.
The day of the delivery arrived and two men emptied half a transit into my front room.
They leant the TV against a couple of chesterfield arms and returned with several parcels, which they arranged neatly, infront of the screen in all its glorious packaging.
God it looked big with all that packaging around it, I immediately thought to myself, “You’ve cocked up again”, I thought. yet the vision of a super slim plasma still clung on, in my mind.
Instructions, inside, he told me,
“Sign her sir”,
I did and they fucked off, sharpish.
Sipping on tea we sat and looked at the pile of parcels,
“What’s all that lot?”, She asked,
“Just my sounds”, I replied, staking a claim on the system in case my hold on the monitor is overrun.
Armed with knife and scissors we removed the well designed polystyrene padding and removed them to another room; to reveal, in all its glory.
Quite a smart bit of kit by first looks,
we then read the instructions and soon decided to have the speakers free standing thus not spoiling the beauty of the monitors sleek lines, also took less screwdriver effort.
I knew the set was reasonably heavy, any support would have to be a hefty affair and strong enough to bear the weight of 60 kg.
So there I am lifting this set above the included stand while my partner tries to figure out how they attach.
I have no wish to drop the set or damage the stand in any way so I’m pulling my back out in the effort.
We eventually get monitor and stand docked.
We remove picture and portable and place it on the prepared stand.
The carefully planned stand was in fact a few stable blocks with a piece of stout timber on top.
See I was thinking of some way to hide the cabling even then.
Once in position we took a break and sat and looked and agreed,
Good!
I had , the week previous risked life and limb atop a ladder erecting an awkwardly shaped digital aerial, much to the amusement of some of the onlookers who saw me desperately cling on to the pebble dash while manoeuvring a power drill and holding an aerial and other assorted items as well.
Aerial in, power on and quick look at remote manual, all systems go.
Nothing to do, just worked,
don’t you just love it when things work like that?
No offering options just worked,
I was on a roll,
Set top box, more cables wires, assessment as to priority, surge protected socket or plain?
I remember the set top box setting itself up faster than the woman made a cuppa.
Two successes in one day.
We settled down to watch an evening’s viewing,

I made a mental note to hook up p.c. the next day.

Not complicated connection just annoyingly sited underneath the casing and therefore awkward to get access to unless laid on you back.
Eventually al done and once again, no problem, seemed automatic detection working.
In went the external security camera, in went the video and in went the cd player,
Every available input was used.
We decided that seeing as most of our viewing is done laid down, it would make sense to have the TV as low as possible.
We removed the stand and stood the tele on the floor.
I then found that there was just sufficient gap in the stand to squeeze the set top box and disc player into.
Thus the wiring behind would be obscured from view and therefore not a problem.

The pc desk on the screen looked great and I realised I’d made a good buy, everything was so clear and of course easily readable.

The companion was a little shocked when she realised the p.c. and tele were going to be bedfellows.
I explained that for the time being I’d have to sit in the office chair within range of the cables.
I hadn’t yet found a wireless system which I fancied.
Looking for one I soon realised the multifunctional media combination would be what I’d need to control computer and media.
I opted to stick with a name I knew and chose a Logitech combo.
I did mention my front room was twenty foot square, there was no way this was going to work in a range to allow me to remain in my sofa.
I researched ranges and found that although lacking for my needs it was working within an acceptable standard range.
Obviously I’d need extension cables to allow use from my armchair,
I was disappointed, but relished freedom from cables.
I returned p.c. to office and used combo with it.

I decided I’d have a go at the sound system; it had been laid there for nearly a week untouched,
I invited a friend to help me, he had experience of cabling at gigs etc.
I never forget the sound he made when he unveiled one of the towers and saw his reflection in the top, he creamed his pants eagerly stripping away the wrapping like the clothes off a hor.
He caressed it hugged it and ran his face up and down the steel tower.
I uttered some profound, deep word like “yeh”
“Hey man”, he said, “if the amp is of the same quality, you’ve got yourself a bargain.”
He had previously told me I was stupid spending that much money without being able to see the goods.
We read the speaker specs, noticed the quality of the fittings and were well relieved when we saw the gold banana clipped quality speaker cable.
Unfortunately my request for an extra 20 foot of cabling had fallen on deaf ears.
I had another problem!The pre determined lengths of the cables meant I wouldn’t be able to position the speakers where I actually wanted them which was behind me and then twenty foot away.