24 th.January.

24 th January.
Got up today to a dull, grey ,cold day.
My mood is like the weather.
There was a raft of post waiting for me, most of it from my new bank.
I also received a parcel of tablets, some painkillers and sleepers which I intend too use to get me through the non smoking period of the first few days.
Has been a number of years since I took sleepers so hopefully they will work.
Have done some research into the painkillers and they seem to be ideal for someone with my condition.
I’ve finished off the small amount of baccy which was left and intend to take tablets and return to bed and see how long the effects will last.
May be an unorthodox way of doing things but I recall sleepers helped me get through the first 24 hours in the past.
Did briefly consider going out but when I heard the wind and saw the overcast conditions I decided the best place for me today would be in bed.
Waste of a day you may say; perhaps.
I’ll do a little course work and give the tablets an hour to “come on”.
A KNIFE murderer who chillingly filmed himself bragging about his crime was jailed for life yesterday.
Good!
Life, meaning a sentence of ten years or more.
People nowadays are not just frightened about what may happen to them on the streets they are also disillusioned with the sentences handed out by the justice system.
Community service, fines and short sentences are not enough to foster faith in the system.
I take my tablets and hope for the best.
The contents of the ash tray have been re- rolled and I have nothing left to smoke in the house.

A LORRY driver who killed two schoolgirls as he finished a mobile phone call was jailed for four and a half years by Stafford crown court for death by dangerous driving.

A PENSIONER who placed the same bet every day for more than 10 years has finally won. The unnamed man, in his 70s, scooped £142,590 for just £7 after picking the winners of eight greyhound races.
Congratulations.

AN unemployed man knocked two £40,000 council houses into one to create an illegal drinking den, a court was told yesterday.
Glen Gordon, 40, who created a pool hall and bar, was likened to the Gallagher family in TV's black comedy Shameless. He also installed a wallpaper stripper in a cupboard,
to create a steam room.
What can you say to that?

LORD Stevens' inquiry into the death of Princess Diana reports back today. It cost £4million, looked at 20,000 documents and 1,500 witness statements and lasted 35 months.And it can be summed it up in nine words: "The driver was drunk and she wore no seatbelt.
There is only one valid reason for beginning a diary --- namely, that you find pleasure in beginning it; and only one valid reason for continuing a diary --- namely, that you find pleasure in continuing it. You may find profit in doing so, but that is not the main point --- though it is a point. You will most positively experience pleasure in reading it after a long interval; but that is not the main point either --- though it is an important point. A diary should find its sufficient justification in the writing of it. If the act of writing is not its own reward, then let the diary remain for ever unwritten.
My reason for starting my diary was to log the events of a year in my life when for the first time I had the opportunity to make changes to my attitude and lifestyle, it was to be a reference work, upon which I could gauge my successes or failures.

My replacement washing machine has arrived and sits in the room still packaged, knife on top ready to cut through the several layers of banding and staples, but not today.
I am in no hurry.
The tablets taken earlier haven’t produced too much of an effect save a feeling of relaxation and lessening of pain, these feeling may or not be imaginary but I do feel relaxed, at peace with the day.
Quite a pleasant feeling.
I presume if I’d returned to bed I may have been able to return to sleep, but am happy at the moment to idle the time away.
The tablets were designed to help patients following operations, they are supposed to be beneficial to those who suffer pain from joints.
I must admit my back and limbs are pain free and I can turn my head without the sound of muscles cracking like steel wire.
Tremadol.
One of the American rap stars was found to have overdosed on a mixture of tremadol and cocaine.
It is supposed to be able to bring on a feeling of euphoria, perhaps that is why I’m feeling o.k. or it could be simply that I am relaxed, warm and content.
The meditation sounds in the background are helping.
I have tried several “legal” high tablets obtained from a number of suppliers off the Internet but have been disappointed for the most part.
I rely on acquaintances telling me of their experiences with prescription tablets and offering me some to try, hence the delivery today.
In the past, during the 70’s and 80’s use of prescribed drugs was rife, drinking session with handfuls of uppers and downers were common.
Often the resulting effects were hard to distinguish between the effect of alcohol and effect of drug.
I later took tablets on their own, usually at home in my bedroom, stashes of Roche tablets secreted around the house.
Doctors in those days were keen to administer sedatives, tranquillisers and the like and there were many street suppliers of same.
Taking tablets, drinking and smoking pure cannabis became the norm;
often days and weeks would be lost in induced states of intoxication.
Acid and psylobin (if in season) were also used, Mandrax on prescription completed the cocktail, until re-classified by the government of the time.
I was at one time receiving quite a cocktail of drugs on prescription and because I trusted the doctors did in fact take everything I was given.
Took several years before I questioned the drugs and began to ask about side effects and tolerance, dependency.
My doctor at the time told me that I shouldn’t allow myself to become reliant upon the drugs and to remain in control as much as possible.
I began to realise the impact the drugs were having upon my daily life,
I was holding down a job but wasn’t happy taking the drugs and working.
I decided to give them all up and was chastised for stopping abruptly being told that the patient has to be weaned off them.
I have been told the same story many times by successive doctors when I have similarly simply stopped taking the medication, full stop.

The sun has re-appeared and the grey threatening clouds have been replaced by small wispy white cloud, a nice ending to the afternoon.
I notice a slight increase in spelling mistakes so perhaps the tablets are having some effect.
I’m tempted to take some more but will resist till later tonight.
I watched a couple of TV programs last night, one was a repeat of stoned in suburbia which must take the prize for being a complete waste of time, ill informed posers having their few minutes of fame.
Another one showed a guy using a vaporiser to get his hit, something I’d liked to have tried.
There was a program about a group of morbidly obese people being introduced to a tribe of natives who survive in the bush as hunter gatherers, the villagers had had very little contact with westerners and were astounded at the size of the people they were introduced to.
One of the first comments was that these outsiders must do nothing but eat and are therefore lazy.
One of the group was a father to a young boy, he openly disclosed that he spent most of his time getting stoned on cannabis and eating everything in sight, living on junk food takeaways, blaming his obesity on the “munchies”.
All the group shared the similarity of overeating and taking too little or no exercise at all.
I have put on two stone and initially blamed the medication, true one of the side effects is listed as significant weight gain but I am also guilty of been lazy having not taken any exercise for a number of months now.
It is the easiest thing in the world to slip into such a routine and become a couch potato, sat in front of the TV or listening to music while stoned or simply comfort eating in an attempt to replace a part of life which should included socialising.
Most of them were lonely even though many had friends and family around them.
I can sympathise with some of them and see traits of my own life in all of them.

Having seen the effects upon their bodies and lives I gain the strength to realise my own weaknesses and am therefore better equipped to do something about it.
I intend to do so.
It must take a certain amount of “bottle” to allow ones failings to be shown on TV, to be subjected to daily tests and allow others to see them stripped down to their underwear to show the rolls upon rolls of blubber.
To have a body index approaching 40% fat is quite a problem and one which will undoubtedly curtail their life expectancy.
Among the viewing I had half an hour to kill before the next program I wanted to watch so I tuned in to a doctor explaining about the function of our lungs.
I watched while smoking my rollie as surgeons removed a cancerous solid lump from someone’s lungs who had been smoking for 30 years.
The lungs clearly showed the signs of the damage caused by smoke inhalation and one of the onlookers found it distressing enough to quit there and then.
The patient a 56 year old woman was shown the X-ray of her lungs which showed how much had been cut away, she vowed never to touch another one.
I may be wrong but I seem to remember a statistic slipped in which said one in four adults smoke.
Surely that is unacceptable in this day and age, why aren’t there more clinics, refuges where people can go and receive help to stop.
As I mentioned before somewhere ran along very strict secure lines where tobacco is not tolerated at all to give the patient help in overcoming the addiction in the beginning, the first few days, perhaps two weeks stay somewhere where nicotine is unavailable, cold turkey.

Time since quitting
Beneficial health changes that take place
20 minutes
Blood pressure and pulse rate return to normal.
8 hours
Nicotine and carbon monoxide levels in blood reduce by half,
oxygen levels return to normal.
24 hours
Carbon monoxide will be eliminated from the body.
Lungs start to clear out mucus and other smoking debris.
48 hours
There is no nicotine left in the body.
Ability to taste and smell is greatly improved.
72 hours
Breathing becomes easier.
Bronchial tubes begin to relax and energy levels increase.
2 - 12 weeks
Circulation improves.
3 - 9 months
Coughs, wheezing and breathing problems improve as lung function is increased by up to 10%.
1 year
Risk of a heart attack falls to about half that of a smoker.
10 years
Risk of lung cancer falls to half that of a smoker.
15 years
Risk of heart attack falls to the same as someone who has never smoked.

Looking at the above facts, the minimum period one should aim for is 12 months.
My immediate concern is the amount of wheezing and crackling of the throat, so I’m looking at a period of three months before signs of recovery should be noticeable.
I’m surprised that only after 48 hours the nicotine disappears,
I usually fall down after stopping for two days or more.
My circulation is terrible so any period of cessation may improve that aspect.
During the last few weeks I succeeded in stopping on alternate days and did feel better after each 24 hour period.
Just goes to show that effects can be noticed in what is a short space of time.
Obviously if I was to rely upon a nicotine substitute such as an inhaler or patches then surely nicotine would always be present in the system,
I therefore judge myself to be right in trying to do without these crutches.
I will, with the help of sleeping tablets if necessary try to get over the first period of 24 hours, yet again, and then rely upon whatever means to continue to the 48 hour mark.
Hour by hour an day by day seems to be the only way to do battle.

I was totally convinced that after failing to quit before, I was a lifelong 'nicotine addict' – and would probably be sucking on a cigarette with my dying breath. The way I had started to feel last year, it seemed like it wouldn't take too much longer.
Coughing, hacking, gasping for breath with everyone griping at me to "just be a man and quit!" But despite even this pressure and how bad my health was becoming, another attempt at quitting was not even close to being on my radar screen. Ahhh, the seductive power of puffing!!

It was your mind that convinced your body to start smoking in the first place so you could look cool/be accepted/whatever reason your mind came up with, and it is only your mind that can convince your body to stop
The main reason people fail to quit (and why it took almost 35 years of smoking for me to learn this) is that from the time we were little children we have been lied to and literally programmed by the powerful tobacco and pharmaceutical industries as well as the media to believe that we are heavily addicted and cannot quit. Between having you keep smoking, and, keep quitting, they have a vested interest in keeping you as a dying, sorry I mean paying, customer.

Male smokers who quit between ages 35 to 39 can add up to 15 years to their life.

Quitting smoking will probably extend the length and definitely improve the quality of your life and those around you!
Imagine going to bed every night feeling completely at peace with yourself, reliving the wonderful results of your day only to wake up totally refreshed to do it all over again!

It only lasts for a month! (Craving)The physical withdrawal symptoms (if you decide not to use NRT) are toughest in the first week or so but the craving to smoke should be gone within a month.It then simply becomes a mental battle.
Smokers view cigarettes like a friend who comforts them, but just as you get rid of friends throughout your life, you can get rid of cigarettes.
It seems to me that stopping smoking is like accepting a challenge of a mind game with someone unseen, an unseen enemy who’s tactics have to be researched until you understand the weapons of its armoury.
How come the urge to buy more baccy simply takes over and is relatively unchallenged and you go almost robot like through the process or procuring further supplies?
Why do you chain smoke when the absence of any physical effects or obvious benefits from smoking cannot be increased by increasing consumption.
Why is the need to finish a pouch so strong after purchasing same?

I can now feel the effects of the tablets, a light headiness.

Why after 35 years smoking can I not give reasons for doing so?
Why am I so weak willed? Apparently unable to control my own mind.
Having been successful in giving up an illegal drug, why am I struggling to give up something which is legal yet undoubtedly more harmful?

There is a part of my brain which has my mind convinced I need to smoke yet fails repeatedly to provide any signs or reasons for doing so.
If I want to do something then generally I will try and often as not succeed so why when it comes to stopping smoking am I so seemingly powerless to do so.
I feel unwell, undoubtedly partly due to the fact I’ve sat and chain smoked all day, am going to lie down.
Only time I’m not smoking is when I’m asleep so if that’s the only assistance I can get then sleep I must.