25 th. March.

"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream."
25/03/2007
10:19
Stayed up till 1.30 bumming around the web. Laid in bed waiting to nod off I listened to my breathing and it is definitely a lot quieter and easier.
Must have dropped off quickly, semi-awoke this morning and tried to stop in bed and continue sleeping but body was having none of it. Got up and was only nine a.m. obviously I had not changed the clock so it is in fact ten so not too bad.
Yesterday was a nightmare!, lost count of the number of times my mind was planning for m to go to shop and buy cigarettes. I found myself getting ready, putting money in my pocket etc. several times, especially between the hours of 1 to five, when I reached six p.m. the craving seemed to lessen and after seven I had resigned myself to understanding there wasn’t going to be any trip to the shop.
I am beginning to feel better, chest not so tight and as mentioned breathing more relaxed.
There doesn’t seem to be as much “traffic” in the back of my throat and I am unable to hear the usual bubbling and crackling when I lay down to rest.
I must admit when I read that after a certain time the throat and lungs begin to get rid of the deposits left by 30+ years of inhaling smoke I expected to be coughing almost non stop.
I am in a lot of pain this morning my back and sides hurt like hell, could hardly walk when I got out of bed, (will have a good soak in bath after my dinner today).
The other day I got a comment on my blog; the person said they enjoyed it and asked for me to continue.
Unfortunately he was commentating on a couple of posts which were in truth exactly the same as any other site and therefore not really what I had in mind when I begun.
True I could spend my time surfing and gleaning material to reproduce on my site but why?
I’m not going to make a rehash of material already out there save for snippets which catch my eye or articles that make me laugh or prompt a reaction.
Did a couple of hours studying yesterday; must say I’m not too chuffed with spreadsheets but am endeavouring to learn all the same to gain my pass mark.
I was hopeless at mathematics at school; the subject held no interest whatsoever for me, but because it was needed as an exam result I was put under pressure to better my understanding of the subject. Needless to say I never got to grips with it and refused to get my head around Algebra and Trigonometry.
I did however later take Commercial maths in college and found the subject held more relevance to life and thus I was able to take an interest and gain a pass.
Possibly something worth investigating if you are like me, alienated by tables, angles and algebraic equations.
Obviously I had to return to maths when taking my HNC in civil engineering but the few formulas needed were learnt only to pass the test and they were soon forgotten once the mark had been obtained.
Fortunately the lecturer decided to pass us all as a farewell gesture; he had decided to retire, I wish him all the best.
How do I feel today?
Chuffed, for not cracking up yesterday;
My health is improving, that pleases me.
The flat is tidy, or at least the room I spend most of the time in is tidy.
I have only a week’s washing up to do and as I said earlier if you live life like it’s the last day you don’t want to be washing up on your last day, now do you?
I have made inroads into study material.
Everyday has been spent usefully ,(in my opinion, that is).
I’m ready for a big blow out meal today; my father had asked if I fancied a curry, he said he would make me one, I dunno if that was to replace the traditional meal or he was to make one for me to take away. I’d told him my preferences and he said that was enough information, will see what happens.
I love a good curry, but the majority of my experiments turn out wrong. I tend to take a meal and transform it into a curry by the addition of copious amounts of curry powder.
On the rare occasion I actually build a curry from scratch I sometimes get a favourable result but usually I tend to go over the top and add just a little too much of an ingredient and spoil the whole dish.
I made myself another meal yesterday, I ate quite a lot to keep my mind off smoking. Steak and peas with fresh carrots and sliced green beans and Yorkshire puddings. All ingredients supplied by mother in frozen form. All veg frozen within minutes of picking from garden. Whilst eating the dish of food I thought how well it would have transformed into a curry but by then I was too lazy to do any thing about it and simply ate the contents of the bowl.
The Zyban tablets have played havoc with the old intestines, I am constipated for most of the week but the pain is bearable.
Today I’ll have the meal, bath and return home and have a couple of cans of beer, probably slob out in front of TV if anything is worth watching or perhaps do the assignment which is waiting to be completed.
I break now to watch Country file which will take me to noon and then give me enough time to remove the week’s growth from my face and drive to parents house for lunch.
As expected, my father had indeed prepared a curry; mild but tasty. Made a change having mashed potatoes, carrots and curry, quite enjoyable.
Had a bath afterwards and tried to ease some of the pain in my back and side.
I bade them farewell and carried the bag of supplies to the car and returned home. I dropped into the club and tormented myself by sitting for the first hour craving a smoke, watching the domino players having a break to skin a rollie up, I watched as they drew upon their smokes, as they casually exhaled, I liked the smell.
I actually went overboard and stayed drinking for some three hours, during which time I got drunk; I admit it I got drunk on Jack Daniels, lager and alcopops.
I eventually arrived home after six and went straight to bed after stashing the supplies away into the kitchen cupboards.