25 th. September.

25 September 10:47
Yesterday was a helluva day to fill, but I managed.

Neighbour called to borrow £3.00 to get him to his first day at work, how could I refuse?

I did some exercise and then polished off three quarters of a bottle of rum,
eventually going to bed around midnight.
Surprisingly enough I have woken without a hangover, true feel a little dull but better than expected.

Am looking at 32 hrs without a cigarette,
What to do today to fill the hours?

Obviously it’s too soon to talk about feeling better except that I do,

I have a small sense of achievement and my breathing is less asthmatic,
I am able to take a deep breath and fill chest.
Hardest part now is to get some more hours abstinence under my belt.
I knew the first 24 are the worst,
small milestones i.e. 36 and 48 will be significant.

There is no craving in as much as the wanting is not sufficiently great as to overshadow the sense of achievement.

Already I’m becoming a bore.

My leg muscles hurt enough to prove that exercises were useful.
If using no pain no gain as thermometer.
Simple stepping exercises on the stairs during commercial breaks on TV.
As luck would have it, the David Attenborough series the blue planet was just the program to while away the hours, it was mid afternoon before I realised the material was going to be repeated.

The first 24 hours is the worst and I’ve overcome that hurdle so today will see what effects will follow.

Interrupted by post woman,( nice looking girl she is too!),
my P.c.mag is delivered so there’s some new reading material to pass a while.

01:32 PM. I went to the neighbours with the express intention of cadging a rollie, which I got.

I was amazed at the effect it had on me even after such a short while off them, 34 hrs.

I recall when I was smoking the gear I used to like an early morning joint, it seemed to have the most effect, in as much as three early morning joints would set me up for the day.
I also recall that when not smoking gear my usual early morning consumption was three rollies in quick succession with first cup of tea.
If today I’d had a joint at the neighbours instead of first rollie for a while, the effect would have been sufficient to prompt me to buy, meaning poor quality dope is enhanced by break from Nicotine input, and need for second and third joint was more to do with Nicotine than any buzz from gear.

My point being I wonder how much of the perceived effect of early morning smoke was gear related and what proportion was due to Nicotine appeasement.
I seem to be understanding my body a little better.
If I had a joint now it would probably take my head off.
I’ve learnt that the neighbour who started work today has a period of 5 weeks before he has to pay full rent etc.
The other neighbour starts a 15-week training course tomorrow to stand him for digital installer.
I’m beginning to feel left out!

Both jobs were sourced from friend’s contacts, no job centre involved.

My course is almost over and has bored me, but I realise it has to be done.
I’ll get back into it tomorrow and try to get it finished,
problems I’ve had have been p.c. based and not due to difficulty of workload.

I’m at present listening to relaxing sounds, writing this and having a couple of cans of lager instead of venturing out to club or shops.

I was reminded I’d defrosted the fridge by the presence of a soggy box of eggs present in the fridge when I went to secure lager.

I’m beginning to warm to Grammar check,

My body is still being bombarded by the effects of the rollie, the effect is only slightly less than some of the effects of gear;
fact which makes me even more annoyed at the hundreds of pounds I’ve wasted on poor quality gear.

I also laboured under the misapprehension that the gear was fuelling my writing,
True in part it could have made my mind more adaptable,
but I judged its power by the amount of script produced when stoned,
In truth it probably was my ability to concentrate on task in hand for longer and therefore spend more time writing.

True the content may have been more adventurous.

I also love the spell checkers ability to self-correct without prompt any of the obvious spelling mistakes.
It’s learning as I use it more.
I also am picking up better habits.

I phoned Blackpool up and was informed my desired car tax renewal had been sent out on Friday;
That was the only problem I had in my life,
so my life must be pretty well on the way to being on an even keel!

Problem sorted, sitting back relaxing with enjoyable afternoon beverage,
in warm comfortable surroundings, smoke free atmosphere,
(always a hit with Health and Safety).

For some reason the cursor has a habit of flying upwards to zoom control, as a consequence when I move it the zoom options begin to cycle producing what I thought to be at first, system instability
Just happened the whole of the document was highlighted and the scroller bars reversed, only reason I could discern was the cursor had moved to scroll bar,
When these episodes occur the cursor usually changes to navigator cross.

I remedy by pressing zoom button and reverting to 110%.
My body has settled from smoke and I feel normal again.

I now realise the power of nicotine and its effects upon me.
I’ve been a fool for so many years!

I couldn’t take control of my body till I sorted my mind out, after all that’s the control centre.

I now feel partly confident in being able to move forward in a positive direction.

This will be the first week without medication, (prescribed),
the alcohol will help me through the first stages and I now have to allow the picture to become clearer as I become aware of different feelings health and mental wise.
I have the ability to take control just need to make the effort.

Of all the challenges I’ve taken on in my life, packing up the tobacco will be the hardest;

At the moment is seems to have been ridiculously easy so I’m sure I’ll be made to pay in some form or other.

Mike, my care worker, called mid afternoon, went through motions of showing interest,
agreed to pop prescription through door sometime;
Told him I’d made a few changes.

The alcohol is to allow me to relax and possibly sneak an afternoon kip to pass a couple of hours.
I still feel guilty about indulging in what is accepted as the most popular pastime, drinking for pleasure.

Reasons for not drinking sociably.

1/ I see no reason to sit in anyone’s company while drinking,

2/ Their surroundings are not as good as what I have here at home,

3/ There is little or no chance of meeting females,

4/ The clientele is usually “same old faces” or “same old bums on seats”,

5/ TV is usually sport orientated,

6/ Overpriced jukeboxes supply Music, if available.

7/ They seldom have free Internet access,

8/ Heating and air-conditioning varies in different establishments,

9/ Attractiveness of bar staff varies as much as service quality.

10/No security of space, one’s enjoyment can be spoiled by unwelcome company.

11/ Increased tendency for infants and children to be allowed on premises.

12/ Effort is required to travel to and from,

13/ Risk to personal safety, many unprovoked attacks are alcohol fuelled.

14/ Limited range of products in pubs and clubs.

15/ Often bewildering range of overpriced goods.

16/ Unnecessary exposures to potential gambling outlets.

17/ Restricted access to food.

18/ No uniform product pricing code.

19/ Subjected to mobile phones.

20/ Subjected to other people’s troubles.


If I fancy a drink I see no reason to have to be sat in a group drinking in rounds to the speed of the next purchaser.
I like to be sat, feet up, cushion behind head, almost horizontal not bolt upright on some plastic, wooden or partly upholstered seat.

I like neutral surroundings not ancient nicotine stained ceilings hovering above similarly stained and aged wallpaper.

Being an afternoon drinker,
I tend to shy away from any females, who share the same interest in drinking on an afternoon,
They are usually like me, unemployed.
Usually having a multitude of problems, which are eased by alcohol consumption.

At home I can surf through the available local talent if I feel the need to do so.

The keepers of most hostelries see the customers as bums on seats and treat them as such.
If I choose to go out for a drink I expect to be treated with respect,
after all my money is paying their wages!

I could never figure out why TV was so popular;
normally I’d go out to get away from the silver screen.
Pubs especially, seem to be going over the top with flat screens been installed on every available wall.
I’ve seen large screen TV’s in clubs with viewing audience of two or three!

I have my own 42-inch Plasma to watch if I choose,

I also have control over the content, not having to rely on the whims of some young barmaid.

The majority of TV. screening is sport orientated which allows the gambling aspect to be added.
I have no interest in horse racing or football, golf, athletics or motor racing;
knowing very little I have even less inclination to place a bet on any of them.

I hate jukeboxes, but will patronise a place if reasonable music is supplied free.
At home I have countless musical avenues freely available to explore with the help of the Internet and a pair of surround sound headphones.