26 th November.

26 November
Sunshine and showers seems to be the order of the day.
Cold damp and miserable and that’s just the weather,
I’ll feel better when I’ve had a bath and shave,

Been 20 hrs now without a smoke; I pigged out last night on fish fingers, must have had 10 or more, biscuits and a tin of hot dog sausages were also victims,
felt like I could have eaten the contents of the cupboard and still have asked for more!

There will be big time temptation to go to shop today, if I can resist may be on to a winning run. Should try, but every fibre of my body is looking for excuse to go to shop for baccy, to get a bottle, to get cash from a.t.m.
I have tried to keep away from my baccy baron, not wanting to purchase a two ounce pack because it takes so long to return to stopping, so far I’ve resisted, if I can get through today and tomorrow that leaves Wednesday to avoid;
I feel I will struggle this week.
I just have to remind myself of the noise my throat has been making when I have been at rest.
I breath deeply, desperate to feel better, trying to convince myself, once again that I will benefit from stopping smoking.

I do not feel sufficiently better to strengthen myself, it sounds crazy but I could well go to the shop now and buy the half.
I think of this afternoon after having had a big lunch, that is when the craving will really kick in yet it will be only a couple of hours to 24 hrs abstinence.
The first 24 hrs is when the nicotine craving is battered, if I can carry that on till Monday I be on the way to relaxing its hold on me.

No use talking about the future, even 24 hrs ahead because I have learnt the only way is to fight it hour by hour.

I would like to be able to go to sleep for the rest of the day but that would involve a large intake of alcohol, which I’m sure would make the craving stronger because of the relationship between drinking and smoking.

I do have the course work to pass the time but without a smoke I will be short on attention.
Sleep is my only ally but there is only a certain amount of help it can give without me using alcohol to prolong the periods of sleep.
02:54 PM just returned from parents; had a lovely meal, received Red Cross parcel and three jumpers to keep out the cold.

Called in to shop and got 18 lagers and a half-ounce.

Only good thing is I’m not buying large packs of baccy so have chance to give body a rest for so many days of the week.
Going to woof a few lagers down me and hopefully go to bed again for a couple of hours kip when it gets dark.
I’d left heating on when I went out so room is lovely and warm.

Sun is still bravely shining, would be quite a pleasant day for a walk, must get some exercise sometime because weight is piling on.
Going to have to check what I’m eating for a few weeks and try to lose a little.

“Don't worry about appearing eccentric to the outside world; you never did fit in comfortably with the general public, so why not treat your distinction as an asset, instead of a liability?”
The above was a line from my horoscope.

Sun is on its way to bed and it’s getting too dark to type, just as well because my days are getting shorter and more boring.
Must remember to phone company about knackered washer.
Cannot get hang of new explorer.
Had another play about with dog waffle, going to take some learning.
Sat watching TV and drinking, don’t know how many but must have been 6 at least…. no effect whatsoever, apart from making me hungry, had a couple of snacks and went to bed.