27 th March.

27/03/2007
10:20
Had a reasonably early night last night, in bed by 11.15. Unfortunately I couldn’t get to sleep and seemed to have spent most of time just laying awake. There seems to be a pattern emerging; I get three or four night’s good quality sleep then pay for it with a night of wakefulness.
Not too bothered as long as I awake rearing to go.
Nicotine should be well gone from system now and with it the early morning cravings.
I no longer have the association of rollie with first cuppa or when typing. Am coping quite well; easier than I thought, ( I hope I don’t live to regret saying that!).
Yesterday was a beautiful day and I never got the chance to go outside, to day the weather is misty and dull so there’s no incentive to venture out till I have to go to doctor’s appointment later this afternoon.
Don’t know how many days I can claim to have been smoke free, days just merge together and that suits me fine.
However long it has been, this will be the longest period of abstinence for 30+ years.
How much was cessation due to Zyban and how much to will power?
I don’t really know, I feel as if the tablets have helped to initiate the process and provide me with a psychological crutch; I take the tablets and therefore in my mind I feel I am keeping the cravings at bay.
I am still able to smoke one if offered but am not craving for one. If I can continue along those lines I will be satisfied.
Hell I can’t see the damage done by having one joint, after I’d finished it I didn’t want a cigarette afterwards; I could have had one if I’d asked, but I didn’t even think of asking.
Apart from a few hours on Saturday afternoon I haven’t been conscious of wanting a smoke. The flat is clean, the ashtray, papers and lighter still remain on the table next to me; the ashtray is full of tablet wrappers and the papers are there because I haven’t got round to moving them.
I am not going to waste time thinking do I feel better? I am not smoking so therefore I must BE better, stands to reason.
Yesterday I got a glimpse of what life can be like if the stomach is allowed to rule. I ate quite a lot of food during the wakening hours, more than I usually consume, but hell I thought I wanted it and I did enjoy most of it so what’s the harm, as long as it doesn’t happen everyday. I shall think of it as a day of treats.
The course work is going easier than expected; with the exception of the irritation of learning the long methods of using formula then being told there is a simpler, quicker method of single button execution. The remaining modules; using charts and manipulating data were interesting and I soon knocked out a couple of easy to read charts which represented my spending.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

In the days before the murders, Palmer repeatedly watched a DVD about a serial killer who filmed himself stabbing his victims to death.
Palmer told prison doctors that he was smoking cannabis daily by the time he was 15. Where does a 15 year old get enough money to pay for a daily habit?
Even if he could afford to smoke a quarter to a half ounce each day, he’s hardly a long term user, he’s only 20 now.
Philip Joseph, an expert witness for the prosecution, said any psychotic symptoms were likely to have been caused by heavy cannabis use.
He failed to mention the unstable family, the kid’s lack of social skills, alienation from the “normal “, fascination with murder and knives, use of alcohol from an early age.
Palmer, now 20, was not smoking on the day of the killings but told doctors he had been using skunk regularly in the preceding weeks.
I doubt that , I think the cannabis slant is an attempt to lessen the charge, just a defence ploy.
The guy is a nutter, he comes from an unstable family, he’s a social misfit who fantasises about knives and killing to get recognition, a user of alcohol and more than likely am occasional smoker of weed.
Lock the bastard up and keep the lying toe rag in there, if he IS a Cannabis smoker as least he will be well supplied.

New plans to combat crime in the U.K. have been rolled out, property seizures, longer community sentences are part of the plan as well as the prison sentence.
What disturbed me was the sentence which said.. the plan includes measures to deal with drug addicts and the mentally ill- more and more recently the mentally ill are being referred to in articles about drug use and cannabis use in particular.
Probably because of misinformation from cases as outlined above.
When the G. deals with alcohol related crime and makes the streets once again a safe place to walk then they can rattle on about controlling cannabis use.

March - Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”