28 th December.

28/12/
12.05
Been up an hour, only had a few hours kip but seem o.k.
Place is cold so was going to go back to bed, might still do yet.
Need to tidy up and have a bath etc. am looking a bit scruffy.
Found old m.o.t. Ready for tomorrow.
Am sat, waiting for room to warm up listening to Xmas channel, first bit of seasonal music have listened to so far.

Bank statement arrived, no major surprises, if I can find another one will be sufficient to open up a new account with new bank.
Have till February before bank begins to charge so will have to get my skates on this month.

Also need some sensidine and a pack of bottlebrushes.

I take a look at the bottle of Whisky and realise I have been knocking them back;
never been drunk just sat quietly drinking them down.
Will have to leave it alone for a while after next weekend; with increased drinking has come increased smoking.
I really am eating them.
Seem to get a pouch and then my only objective is to finish it as fast as possible.

Going to be a struggle next week to get back to normal and resume thoughts of packing in.
I belch a couple of times and a faint acid twinge is felt in my stomach, probably due to drink. Probably had quite a bit yesterday and as the early hours drew on the more I seemed to drink, finishing up with three quick ones before retiring to bed.
There’s only a small amount of baccy left, so looks like I’ve smoked half an ounce in 24 hr. period, which is twice as much as normal.
Think I may stop up till it’s finished then have some kip and wake up and get myself back together.
Sun tries to peek out from the underneath of a heavy dark cloud.
I took one of my meds today; no particular reason.
Feel o.k, in myself, just suffering a bit from self-abuse.
If any feelings they are mixed and confused, my mind is clear I just feel uneasy, not poorly just yeuk.
I don’t normally tolerate Xmas music but so far am enjoying the sounds which although I know the songs, some of them they are sung in many different formats; old songs, new twist.
Sun momentarily breaks through and I dazzle myself looking at it.
Makes me feel a little warmer.
Noticed the new campaign against smoking that is being shown on the TV.
Listing harmful chemicals may help but not sufficiently to put most people off, may make them stop and think for a while but probably that’s all.
I’m pulling like hell on a cig I’ve rolled from tab ends; nearly almost certain to leave a disgusting taste in mouth.
Thinking back over the last week or so I must admit my present of an ounce of gear to myself was the most enjoyable.
I smoked nearly a full week away, no great high just a steady stone, which was sufficient to make me leave booze and fags alone.
Have poured myself a drink, mainly because I can’t be bothered to go and make another cuppa. My mind is wandering but nothing is being flagged as important enough to be written down.
While looking for a tip I found a baccy pouch with more baccy in than I’ve got left.
Had a walk to dealers but no one in, maybe just as well.
Did some calculations and if next year remains stress free, no financial hic-ups should have a tidy sum by this time next year.
Spent a couple of hours on the net.
Went back to bed on afternoon and slept till 9 got up there was nothing worth watching.
I got a craving for fish and chips so ventured out; none open in Marske or Redcar so ended up buying a Chinese from Saltburn, a meal for one, I ate half and kept the remainder for tomorrow.






06/.
Ø Got rid of millstones; house, temperamental car, garden.
Ø Finished a long-term relationship.
Ø Had my eyes opened to so called friends? Rape accusation.
Ø Broke away from social drinking routine.
Ø Had an insight into other people’s lives and problems.
Ø Learnt a lesson in overindulgence.
Ø Gave up any reliance upon gear.
Ø Touched rock bottom emotionally and bounced back.
Ø Worked on memory and relaxation.
Ø Bought a P.C. and a reliable car.
Ø Replenished financial safety fund.
Ø Got flat decorated in neutral colours.
Ø Learnt to look after myself.
Ø Regained friendship with parents.
Ø Sent first Xmas cards for over 20 years..
Ø Set up a sound system to suit size of flat.
Ø Overcome problems with finance, P.C. and TV.
Ø Haven’t fallen out with neighbours.
Ø Grown hair to a length I don’t like.
Ø Put on a lot of weight.


New Year. /07.

v Priority; Stop smoking.
v Cut down on spirits.
v Lose some weight.
v Get fitter, exercise more.
v Do all computer courses available.
v Tidy up front garden.
v Resume angling.
v Do some motoring.
v Continue saving.
v Do something useful. Voluntary work perhaps.