28 th.October.

28 October
Woken up this morning by hand knock on door, took it to be neighbour so ignored it.
10 minutes later doorbell goes so I answer it and no ones there.
There was however a note from postie saying about a special delivery,
will have to wait till Monday now.

By having drink yesterday managed to stay off the smoke for 18 hours;
have just been to shop and bought another half ounce, which should last me over weekend and hopefully that will be that,
I’ll put effort into doing without.

I enjoyed the Teachers yesterday, just drinking the neck was sufficient,
slept from 4 till 8 got up and watched TV till 10 then back to bed,
think may have found suitable drink.

Place is a tip so going to tidy up and get myself cleaned up.
It’s so easy to let day after day slip by and do nothing about things till they cry out for attention.
Sink full of dirty dishes, litter beside the chair, empty bottles and cans, clothes on chairs, untidy.

I as countless others no doubt have done have watched the TV programs highlighting some unfortunate beings living in abject squalor.
We think the same thought,
” How could anyone live like that?” it’s easy if one lets things slip to the extent of ignoring the signs.

My office in the last house resembled a junkyard, pieces of equipment all around the room some being used others never to be useful again.
Now I’m living in a smaller space the impact of untidiness is felt immediately,
with lack of care for surroundings comes lack of care for self and many days I go without shaving or even washing,
the longer it goes on the more upsetting it gets.

If as I assume these people like me don’t get many visitors there is no one to tidy up for;
If ones self-respect is at a low level then nothing gets done.

The sun breaks through rain-laden clouds and its brightness hurts my recovering eyes.

I know in my mind that one hours housekeeping and the place will be acceptable again,
but getting the impetus to start is hard.
I scratch my hair and feel it is lifeless and needs attention,
same as the three-day’s stubble on my face.
I could quite easily go back to bed without doing a thing,

I know full well no one will be calling this weekend and so I stand little chance of being found out to be living in such a mess,

I have vegetables to prepare for the freezer, which have been waiting since Monday.
I decided to have a good weekend, get cleaned up, and stay indoors.
The strength of the wind today is too much to tackle for someone with a heart condition,

I’ll have some exercise and perhaps this afternoon have a couple of whiskies and a few hours in bed.
Saturday is a disappointing day entertainment wise so I may take advantage of the comedy stations I’ve recently found on the Internet.

I know what the parcel was and in the back of my mind another project is brewing,
so to do some housework will take my mind off it.

I’m also going to prepare a good, healthy meal for some time later,
Mixture of vegetables and a piece of chicken together with a steak grill should suffice.
For over a week now I’ve lived on very little, finishing off the remnants of the fridge and cupboard,

My intention initially was to cut down to lose weight but after a while I lost the craving for food almost completely and some days went without.
I am able to forgo meals for two or three days each week and will continue to do so.
I look at my sedentary way of life and figure if I’m not doing anything physical I don’t need a regular intake of calories.

The blustery wind has blown another belt of rain clouds over and the whole sky is heavy and grey;
At least the car will get a wash.

Some one has kindly removed the aerial from my car so I can no longer tune in properly to the radio stations I once enjoyed,
I have no intention to replace it to be broken again;
perhaps parking on a public street was too risky after all.
I cannot complain; that is the only piece of anti social behaviour towards me so far.

I sip my tea and am reminded of the poor quality of tea bags that are on sale nowadays,
I’d be better off drinking water or juice and decide to do same.

12:02 PM time to have another smoke and get cracking before I change my mind.
By two p.m. I’ve done the kitchen and front room.
A huge pan of potatoes and turnip boil away on the stove and the smell of the turnip fills the whole flat with its fresh aroma.
I microwave cauliflower, cabbage and carrots on top of two beef grills and a portion of chicken.
I try to mash the turnip and potatoes together but the bowl is too small,
I make some instant gravy and sit down to a meal;
one of the first for many a day.
There’s enough left to make a Sunday dinner with.
As I sit down to eat I feel no hunger and indeed feel full after only a few mouthfuls,
I struggle to empty the plate but empty it I do,
licking away the last remnants of mash and gravy.

A few hours later and I put six fish fingers into microwave and hope for best.
Three have turned hard and chewy but the others were fine.
My hunger seems to have reached a peak and I followed the fish experiment with four sausages in the microwave, turn the dial and hope again for an edible result.
I returned to the kitchen and they smelt right and indeed tasted lovely,
In future I’ll be using the microwave to prepare them.

I have a couple of whiskies and lemonade and am still hungry.

I slip down to the fish shop in the car and buy a fish pattie and chips,
which I eat upon my return whilst watching TV.

Thus full I retired to bed at 10 30 having given up trying to find anything remotely interesting to watch.
At 6 in the morning I woke up had a cuppa and a smoke and returned to bed.