3 rd. December.

3 December
10:12 a.m.
Had a good sleep, got up to a very cold flat, weather is raining but has stopped in last few minutes and sun has broken through.
Put £40 on gas yesterday so should have enough to last for a while.

Hate to think what kind of state I would have been in if the TV hadn’t fixed itself.
The feeling of relief was immense.

Feeling not too bad, have drank too much Vodka lately and stomach is showing signs of overindulgence, hopefully good Sunday dinner should fettle it, looking forward to it.
The sky has cleared of rain clouds and the sun reigns supreme for the time being.

Spent an hour going through papers, mail and many reasons for a single person to be cheerful, many of which ring true but are forgotten as the Xmas period approaches and people think of couples and families.
When it’s all over I come back to the reasons and try to think more positive about being a singleton; it’s just a matter of concentrating on the positive aspects.

I also need to slow myself down, not get flustered with time,
I begin to get panicky about things like going out;
two hours before actual time of departure; I used to get physically sick the night before holidays! And a simple trip to my parents still causes anxiety.
Hell all I need is a quick scrub and shave and I’m ready!

Once again I look at the clock, I do leave things to the last minute which may explain why time seems to creep up on me and a mild panic sets in.

I’ve always been a last minute person, I’d get up for work and it would take maybe an hour and a half to have sufficient cuppas and smokes before I got ready;
thank God for flexi-time!
I leave Xmas shopping to the very last opportunity,
often Xmas eve sees me shopping while others are wrapping.

I am once again faced with the dilemma of what to buy my parents who want for nothing.
Last year I spent Xmas and New Year in a mental hospital as a patient so I was unable to buy presents or even a card.
To be perfectly honest I enjoyed the break from the hassle.
Xmas passed with only the presence of a few mince pies to mark the occasion
and New Year consisted of four of us sharing a generous kebab.

No carols were sung; I watched zero hours of Xmas TV, just life as normal.

Myself and another inmate did push the boat out and have some crackers and exotic cheeses but unfortunately the staff had confiscated a bottle of Port I’d bought to accompany it!
Also a bottle of Whisky that I’d bought but not tried to hide too well.

Had a beautiful meal, filled me up, got usual plated meal and a turnip. Few more jumpers in a bag and off to Redcar, pint shandy and bought large pack of baccy.
Weather rainy and blustery, home 3p.m. heating on, fleece on and listening to wind howling in chimney.
Took a Bisodol to calm stomach, feels better than did this a.m.
So what started off as a bad weekend hasn’t turned out too bad.
Before I left parents we had a chat about Xmas and presents, all decided there was nothing we wanted to have decided to book a return holiday to Steve’s in Skegness for May or June time.
Download manager has downloaded quite a heap.
Sat up till 11.30 then bed.