4 th.November.

4 November
Woke up about 12,
sunny day, little or no wind; ideal day for desperate ice cream salesmen.

I had woken up thinking it to be too early to rise and was surprised when I saw the time was near lunchtime.
I had made up my mind to treat myself to a smoke today and went to the car to go and buy some.
However the car was dead and after scrabbling around in the house I found the breakdown number.
I phoned and they will be an hour and a half arriving,
I also noticed I’m down to the last £1 in electric so will have to go to shop.
I have helluva craving for baccy if its only some way of passing the weekend.

I have been without now for? 2 or three days, could let myself go for the weekend,

Hell you got to treat yourself sometime and if my treat involves shortening my life well get on with it.
Some indulgence has to be.
01:48 PM R.A.C. calls and asks if I’m prepared to wait till 4 p.m. or is my position desperate,
I reply that I’m not too desperate to go anywhere but would prefer sooner rather than later.
I have only been up for an hour or so, the more time I have to wait perhaps the weaker the craving.
I ponder over the wiseness of going to supermarket for baccy and bottle of whisky to last me the weekend, after all tonight is pathetic as far as TV is concerned so an early night would keep me on track.
I could do without baccy but am afraid may try to drive if drunk to get some.

Perhaps a few relaxing glasses and a couple of smokes may be the answer to the weekend.
Half an ounce would last today and tomorrow and go back to abstinence for Mon to Fri.
I remember meeting canny lass in the pub and her philosophy was to work and obey the rules from Mon to Fri. and then go wild at the weekends,
Do; eat drink, whatever she wanted.
I don’t really want alcohol, although it would help me sleep,
so my indulgence will be the smoke.
I was in a rush to get some baccy when I first woke up,
I now am relaxed and prepared to wait.
The man from the R.A, C, arrives and apparently my battery is shot.
I pay £22.00 for a new one, phone my father to ask for his assistance and manage to cop a Sunday dinner in with battery installation.

Tomorrow is sorted,

I don’t mind paying for battery because I believe I have a good little motor,
Will do me good next year.
The day is typical of what pisses me off, dark and dreary.
I have two weeks money in hand and only four days to go till next pay day.
I’m saving at a rate of knots and am happy.

Beginnings of autumn are getting me down, saddening days.
Winter is the time not to be alone; it’s a time when afternoons and nights need to be shared.
I am unsure of the next few months and need to think things through.
I have the car and just need a few pieces of fishing tackle to see me through, a few nights in b+b and I’m sorted.
Whisky and lemon are taking affect and I’m warmed.
Okay, today has been expensive but needs must.
I’d love one of the meals that my old man sits down to but will have to do without.
I’m surely mixed up but still trying.

I think of Scotland and think peace and quiet but expensive,
I think of the 20 or 40 quid with which I make my weeks supreme and wonder why I should spend £500 for one week.
I can get a fuck and company for about £30 so why spend more.
I have nothing to give,
Hours spent in front of a big screen TV,
Couple of hours on bed and a few drinks or smokes.
I have no desire to watch TV and am therefore not willing to spend time watching it.
I’m saving a lot more than I used to do but have no way of enjoyably spending it.
Had to go down to buy a new battery for the car so treated myself to fish and chips,
Huge portions.
I should get out more!
With the car in good nick perhaps I can, perhaps some of these winters nights I can meet someone similar.
I need to get away from the winter nights.
Explosions rent to the sky and I’m feeling right pissed off.
I went into bedroom to see the fireworks display, fell over the exercise equipment and crashed head first into old speakers.
Went to bed.