6 th.September.

6 September 20 11:55
I had a cigarette about 7 p.m. yesterday and was intending to have a period of 24 hrs. off them.
Was awoken this a.m. at 7.45 by the doorbell then again later by the telephone.
I eventually got up but within a few minutes I’d remembered the tab ends in the car ashtray.
While emptying the tabs I found an old baccy packet containing a small amount.
I now sit having had my customary three cigs with cuppa.
Have had to revert to Earl grey to get any taste to register.

If I have the will power to stop smoking dope and to study, why can’t I give up the nicotine?
I am going to smoke what is left, which should equate to five at the most then struggle with rest of day or return to bed.

At times like this when I’ve been unable to even overcome the initial a.m. craving I feel depressed and disappointed with myself, yet I continue to smoke.
Perhaps Zyban is needed.

I watch the neighbours tending to their flower garden and am jealous; hopefully my father and I will be able to clear a portion of the front garden and plant a few flowers, shrubs maybe even some vegetables.
I’m not looking for something to occupy myself, just like to have any alternative to uncontrollable grass and weeds.

I have resigned myself to the fact that this address will do me as good as any other,
and indeed has benefits over many alternatives so why not exploit the front garden?
I’ve turned lawns into quite nice gardens in the past and this would be the ideal time of year to begin.
I’m lucky in as much as I will have enough suitable plants to choose from in my Father’s plot.
I think back to the planting of the last garden and want to achieve similar mix of hardy annuals and shrubs.
The element of exercise would also be beneficial.

Unlike other past times, ceasing smoking is the only beneficial alternative;
cutting down will I presume help my condition but cessation is the only realistic goal.
To feel better in oneself is the only reward and until I can feel better my willpower will be low.
What other pastime would cost as little as £5.00 per week?
I listen as my neighbour downstairs clears his congested lungs,
I have no serious congestion on an a.m. yet am wheezing when I retire to bed.

The only time craving is prominent is when I awake, but the only way I can get the first 24 hrs. under my belt is to sleep the majority of time away.
I received a very polite e-mail from the supplier of the writing tablet, they apologised for not being able to deliver the goods and have begun the process of refund.

I am disappointed at my inability to kick the fags yet feel better for the attempt so I’ll continue to try to quit.
I have very little “housework” to do so I’ll do a bit of studying, smoke the dust and go back to bed.
After all its just like sleeping the effects of alcohol off.

I want to live here for a few years so I have to kick the habit now.
I don my headphones and immerse myself in country music.
I try the combo out from the other chair but no joy!
Distance is about same but doesn’t work.
Will have to put up with it till get Ps2 extenders.

As I said my parents called yesterday, the first thing my pa noticed was that the flat seemed bigger and truthfully it does without the big speaker system being present.
Must remember to return saw.

12:53 PM
System seems to have sorted itself out, have had no problems for a couple of days,
but saying that I’ve only been using a few programs.
The smoke has brought on the hunger, or is that the craving for more smoke?
Probably the latter.

The sky is laden with rain clouds but the breeze keeps it moving overhead.
The breeze is clean and fresh and I feel guilty for not attempting or even thinking of getting some exercise by going for a walk.
I really am a lazy old Hector.

Received an e-mail offering cut price on line tuition, tempting but haven’t got £400 to invest.
Done a little studying, am getting a bit bored with this section.

I have a small Whisky and think about going out, knowing full well the reason behind would be to buy baccy.
Bed would be a healthier option. Struggled till I went to bed.