12 th May.

12.05.2007
Decided to have a quick nap yesterday so went to bed at 5.30 and set alarm for seven.
However when it went off I thought about getting up and decided I was enjoying the kip better than sitting in front of the box all night so went back to sleep.

Woke up this a.m. at 8 30 having had a glorious sleep.

Outside is soaked with rainfall and rain clouds fill the sky, the garden looks good and the plants are starting to pick up and look healthy, I am pleased.
There are chores to do and the place could do with tidying up but I have at moment limited energy. If I can get myself into mood to start then all will be done but finding it hard to overcome inertia.

There is a small chance of meeting a new dealer today whose prices are favourable, will see.

Did consider going into town and having early beer and breakfast, also thought of going for a drive but looks like the weather will cover the immediate area so have dismissed both.

Picked up my tablets yesterday so am back on full protection.
Cannot recall if I took an Olanzapine yesterday; think not, so sleep was without aid of drugs.
Whenever I have a good long sleep I presume the body or mind must have needed it and I always feel better for it so never feel guilty about enjoying same.

It’s a chilly, damp, overcast May day; perfect for the mood I’m in.

Think will do chores, spend a while revising and see what develops.

All I need now is some sounds to inspire action.

Swung into action and went through the fucking flat like a tornado!

Had a caller, someone I’ve been sussing out as a possible acquaintance for quite a while, he’s £35 into debt with me and may be able to pay that back 10 fold with some work.
Either way he introduced me to one of the new set of new age suppliers who just want to spread the word.
Rich, spoilt kid!
Fuck it, price is right so I score a half-ounce and am promised more.

Had to pay two and a half quid for a pint of foreign lager, which failed to remind me of early morning beers in faraway places.

I’m obviously stoned having had three, which is my usual intake to gauge the power of the contents.
That’s my excuse and I’d sticking to it!

I sat for a couple of hours in the pub and club after the first two and couldn’t for the life of me think of why on earth I should be there.
All fait play to company but riveting it fucking wasn’t, despite several attempts at trying to start a discussion or debate or even just wind some bas****up.
Can’t be that bad I realised I’d left a * off the word bastards.

Ding a ling I’ve left an inch of water in my cup from this morning, no need to move then!
Door locked, water available, true in short supply but what the hell.

Big breakfast this morning so am not going to be hungry.

Decent sounds on continuous loop, no interruptions almost seamless joining of sounds, at times, emphasis on continuity.

Clothes off, eye tormenting silk dressing gown,
good idea not to let the eyes rest upon the pattern for too long or forehead will rebel and cause pain.

Talking of pain was in a lot after doing the chores but now either cannot feel some of the pain or am in the mood and strong enough to ignore it.
I know that perhaps there may be certain aspects of my life missing, or people may perceive there are gaps.
I quite enjoy this part of my life.

I’m relaxed, secure, partly pain free, enjoying delicious sounds and are at ease with myself,
no worries no cares no problems,

UNTIL someone comes on the sounds and tell me the stations are at risk because of increased payments for royalties.
Do your best and save the internet radio, it is important.

I then realise that when I came in and got changed I left all the makings on a shelf some six to eight feet away,
I’m seriously contemplating upon the wiseness of such a journey.

I swing my left foot a couple of times to make sure the circulation and feeling is still present.
Left foot is dead because of right leg’s weight;
so any excursion will probably resemble the run skip and hop activity in sport.

I could make the distance in one huge stride and then seek a steadying influence from the chair in that particular corner.

I glance at the clock unsuccessfully try to remove ring from swollen finger.

Pewter ring that is, by the way,
as firmly settled into swollen skin of middle finger.
Probably due to the contact with god knows how many chemicals today whilst washing.

I break to skin.



Spell check is working overtime!

Just found out we have an artist in our midst in the club, I’ve been thinking about getting one of the flat walls painted, I have the painting I want, just haven’t got the balls to have a go myself.

Nice looking gear, reminiscent of old time rocky but when I cut into end showed signs of beings “packed” out.
Never mind, cannot win every time, it’s doing the job and what more can you ask?

My success today after waking up feeling like I wanted to wipe the day off the calendar
I washed up, tidied , hoovered, washed the floor the fridge and the broken egg I dropped.
Done the washing, bought myself a bottle of vodkas and treated myself to a bottle of Chilean wine as plan A,

Met a new dealer and immediately put into action plan B.

I’m nicely stoned so shows some campaigns are successful.

The washer I purchased a while ago from the caravan suppliers is to be featured in the new Argos book eventually, just shows someone has an eye for a bargain.
I make a mental decision to stroll away from the housewife influence,
which has mysteriously taken me over today.

If my caller; first time caller by the way.

Had arrived a couple of hours earlier he’d of seen the dirt socks and clothes on the floor,
the contents of the spilt ashtray on the floor and the empty bottle of vodka next to the chair, several days paddfling on the rug ;
may have got the totally wrong idea of me.

Bless him, who gives a shit anyway?

I bless the fact that I have no mobile, my land line is known to less than the fingers of one hand, my address is unknown to any past acquaintance barring two.
I’m a bit like the house that is for sale but has added to the bottom.
By appointment only.

I embark upon a bout of hiccups which brings up reminders of the crap lager I’ve drunk today.
Why? You ask do I drink and smoke?
Had no choice dealer asked to meet in the pub!

Am coping well with typing considering I’m out of it.
Passing half way and am nicely mellow.

Head’s getting a little too heavy to keep upright to see the keyboard so am playing it by ear.

Bannister is draped with several items of clothing in varying degrees of dryness, or wetness if you want to argue.
Good job I’m not planning to use the stairs I’d probably forget and go arse over tit.

Have just been given a p.c. and monitor etc.obviously been cherished it’s as clean as new and talking of clean the guy has just paid a local computer shop the sum of £35 to clean his data disk before taking it to the local tip.
I love a challenge and am convinced I could find some remnants of computer use, will give it a go one day when feeling that way inclined.

In truth I kept my old computer despite getting rid of the hard drive and physically assaulting it on occasions. I may try and resurrect it once again because that system was shit hot quick,
Very responsive, radion based, took some stick off me, hell at one time I was welding with it.

I uncross my legs in a slowed down Kenny Everet style of action and the blood returns to grateful capillaries.

I sit back, let my head rest against the chair and chill.
Because I can!

7 over 8 I think the time signature for Floyd’s Wall was, an unusual choice.
Agree?

I tilt the chair further backwards and my spine screams out in anger,
I try to put up with it but am forced to return the chair to the previous position;
my spine is almost locked in defiance.

I swirl the neck from side to side but no relief is gained and my head returns to eyes front rigid.

I shake the arthritis from my right wrist and move the fingers of the same hand.
Knuckles grate upon knucklebone and tendons try to recapture past movements; in vain.

I massage the recent growth of camasses on my right hand, sprung up no doubt due to the increase in masturbation thanks to the arrival of Spring and a lad’s thoughts turn to walking, sorry wanking.
I must admit to stumbling upon some interesting sites while looking for free Internet TV of quality.

Research is hard at times.

I once had an idea that my website would tell others where I’d been what good sites I’d seen and generally what a lovely time I was having supplying others.
Well fuck you, get out there and do some of the donkey work.

“The days are long and the nights are black.”

Feel like saying I’ve got the tee-shirt, so I will.

Bladder is sending signals to the brain complaining about the pressure build up so will have to act and go for the proverbial stoned piss,
So enjoyable, don’t you think?

I remember a while ago trying to put together a pc controlled centre with everything and anything going into and out of it all powered by 500-watt amp/digital converter.
I remember the night I sat exhausted and decided to arrange all the accessories in order of priority.
I came to the conclusion that if my time was to be spent on a keyboard then I would need a constant, uninterrupted stream of sounds never before heard to play unobtrusively in the background if need be.
Also I decided upon an art gallery slide show whenever the keyboard was not in use.
I have that and not a remote in sight, no options of choice, true I could go mad an interfere via mixer but why fix it when it’s not broken.

777 radio.

This joint should, if available take me to the next and probable final level.
Beats the shit out of playing Mario!

I look out of the window and see the worker returning from his toil, he stands up because he’s the only one who does work in the part of the close.
Mind you he doesn’t work 9-5.

The area must be made up of people who deliver pamphlets, free newspapers, better ware or Avon books, taxi drivers, Avon agents. Catalogue agents; there’s only the past woman who I see walking the streets with a legitimate job!

There’s the usual bloom of window cleaners and recent garden renovators and planners, landscape gardeners, small scale, painters, odd job men, retired tradesmen, cowboys.

Then there’s the shop assistants who flit around like moths, with mouths either fixed with a false smile or bearing signs of distaste.
Why does my groceries HAVE to travel that fast through your check out?
What is the fucking panic?

I’m obviously inept at the art of grocery handling,
plain for all to see, as I struggle to capture the various objects sliding towards from a ramp.

True you are pissed off, bored shitless but cut me some slack,
hell I couldn’t fo the job!
Haven’t got the legs or had a lobotomy.

Fucking had it next time I go to NETTO,
Hey, all publicity is worth something.
However insignificant.
Just realised it’s Saturday, I think.
So there will be nothing worth watching on the TV so will continue with chill out to sounds and continue writing as long as able.
My sense have to turned to audio appreciation so I have to compensate with glasses to continue, joint finishes and the sounds take me upon a magical fairy tingling ride into the crystal tones of a crisp piano before embarking into a boisterous beat section with voice background and high guitar’s mellow sounding high notes., accordion joins and rhyme ups a beat to become an almost samba beat., accordion fades to voice height ending, guitar continues to interject until sultry voice takes over . Fade out almost to completion then focus again on accordion, which eventually mellows, as beat becomes stronger, more in front. Simplicity of tunes arrangement, finale is drawn out bringing in flute similar high notes and occasional trumpet, gentler beat takes over and trumpet gets it’s solo piece, accompanied by deep bass riffs, a sand strike comes in;
You don’t know what a sand strike is?
It’s a tin full of sand and particles, maraca.
Just starting to get on my tits because it seems to have been going on for ages and is a little too soft for my liking, on cue it fades completely, to be replaced by flamenco guitar.
Treatment for mixed states overall appears to be about as effective with the atypical antipsychotic medications as for manic episodes, she said. Adding an antidepressant to a mood stabilizing medication does not make depression better in these patients and actually makes the mania worse, she added.
Interesting reading.
Ever felt like a mistake has been made but you can’t be sure?
Often!