17 th July.

17/07/2007
07:55.
Not a bad night’s sleep went to bed early, 10 ish.
Blue skies this morning but a chilly breeze, sun is struggling.

I’ve got a pain in my left leg just below the knee, may try and walk it off by going into the village; need some plant food.

Tinnitus is screaming in my right ear this morning, way above volume of radio station! Bloody annoying.

Am in a strange mood today, feel? Uneasy,lethargic,unresolved as to what to do.
Tried to log onto course work but trouble with password so fuck it, am not in mood for hassle.

I suppose in the back of my mind I’m annoyed; I’d been promised some gear this week, last weekend in fact.
I thought a couple of joints would help me relax and help me cope with the daily visiting etc. but no gear has shown and I have avoided getting in a bottle.

Am getting a bit pissed of with word document, it used to scroll upon demand and now I have to insert break to adjust it.
No idea how to get full scrolling option back.

So this week,
I’ve managed to get the computer working at optimum speed, installed a reliable security system, one which I am familiar with.

Car has been fixed resulting in a more efficient, smooth engine performance, eliminating the possibility of problems with the next M.O.T.

Tidied the flat up to an acceptable level,

Had a bit of luck on the lottery.

Taken a little exercise.

Weeded garden and planted last of this year’s flowers.

Managed yet another week of hospital visits without falling out with parents or feeling resentment.
Sun begins to break through and looks quite pleasant outside, even though the chill of the breeze can be felt through the open windows.
I left the fan on and all the windows open when I went to bed last night in an attempt to eradicate the smell of tobacco.

I’ve taken another Zyban this morning, leaving two to take.
I had planned to stop smoking the day of father’s op; due to the postponement I have an extra day’s smoking.
I had expected to be enjoying some joints this week but if nothing arrives tonight I suspect I will have to refuse it.
Although I am tempted to get some and just have a break smoking joints only, could do with a break after all this travelling to and from the hospital.

“Go slowly as you explore the shadows of your life.”
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs.
But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. - Max Beerbohm

Remember its o.k. to be a sheep, if you are a cool sheep!

81 percent of the lemons grown in the U.S. are used for the manufacturing of lemonade.
The remaining 19% Vote.

I was going to have a walk into the village but after looking at the ten-day forecast I decided it would be a good day to do some gardening.
I went to my parents and had a hour and a half in the garden with the hoe, just tidied it up a bit and got rid of weeds, mainly willow herb, before they had chance to set seed.
The early potatoes are ready for lifting, beans are almost ready for picking, possibly this weekend.
Peas are disappointing, plenty of pods but slow to fill out.
I finished about one, had my dinner and a warm bath, then lay on the sofa for three quarters of n hour; I was knackered.

Father’s been clearing out his wardrobe and my old bed is covered in piles of clothes, I filled two large bags and put them in the car and we set off for the hospital.

Father was in an agitated mood; he still hasn’t been given a definite date and was on tenderhooks.
During the visit his surgeon put in an appearance and said,
” The rumble in the jungle is that he may have his op some time this week,”
Didn’t do much to put father at ease!

Even though he is putting a brave face on I could tell he was becoming angry.
I had a few words with the nurses along the lines of,
“Can’t you get him into theatre, he is driving us crazy”.

I dropped ma off at home and returned home, called in supermarket, cashed my winning lottery tickets and treated myself to a litre of teachers and a couple of bottles of lemonade.
Called into club had a couple of Newcastles, received a phone call.
Father is to have his op tomorrow for definite.

I went home had a couple of enjoyable whiskies, watched tv till 9.30 , took a Zyprexa and went to bed.