18 th July.

18/07/2007
08:17
Had a good sleep; needed it because I was aching like hell.
When I went to bed I was unsure if I’d be able to get over, hence me taking the tablet, but I fell asleep almost immediately, love it when plan comes together.

Hadn’t done a lot of work in garden, but using the push hoe was enough to give pain.
Father was talking about giving up his garden, I know he doesn’t mean it, he’s just depressed.
I’ll do my best to get it ready for when he gets out.

We are going in to see pa this morning, I hope he will be in a more relaxed mood.
I don’t think the staff realised how agitated he had become with all the uncertainty of the situation.

He is obviously afraid and I will have to control myself today, not mention wills, or anything to do with death!
He is going to be around for a good few years more.
He said that if he was in hospital much longer they would stop his pension,
I told him if he didn’t come out of theatre he wouldn’t be needing it!
Probably not the best timed quip.

The weather is dry, clouds are motionless in the blue sky, as yet the sun hasn’t come out, but at least we are having a break from the rain.
With a bit of luck I’ll get the support rigged up for the clematis.

I will either get stuck into flat and do a good job of returning it to a tidy, organised state or,
Have a couple of whiskies and relax.
At the
moment, the second option seems favourite.

May seem a daft choice but if the old man is going to be out of it for most of the afternoon I think I’ll join him!

The white clouds have become grey and the blue sky is slowly disappearing, looks like going to be a dull overcast day.
Going to be a long day for both ma and me.

I suppose as any operation becomes common, one tends to play down the seriousness of it.
The hospital has a good success rate, the old man is fit enough in that he has never smoked and only drinks in moderation, unlike myself!
He has the odds stacked in his favour and I shouldn’t be worried,
But one cannot forget it is an op on one of his vital organs and therefore cannot be risk free.

I had pledged to quit smoking on the day of his op,
So am looking at possibility of this packet of baccy being the last.
After all if I was to be taken into hospital for another heart op, my chances of survival would be well low.

The sky looks heavy with rain clouds.

In my mind, I know I am worried for him, but there doesn’t seem to any distinct feeling, emotion etc.
I just feel heavy like the sky, when I get the news that he has come through it o.k. I will be able to relax, but until then I will rely on good old-fashioned intoxication and sleep to pass the time.
If I was religious I may be tempted to offer up a prayer,
I think I’ll just put my faith in the surgeons and hope for the best.
Time to go.

I was just getting ready to go,
Phone rang.
Jeans around knees, jumper half on, I struggled across the room to answer.
Ma informs me pa has just rang, they are preparing him so he doesn’t want us to bother coming in after all.
So there’s two bacon sarnies waiting for me, will have them tomorrow I tell ma.

She doesn’t sound too bad, apparently father is pleased everything is beginning to happen.
She tells me she will phone when any news, I tell her not to worry if I’m unavailable.

Plan B swings into action and I’m sat with whisky, lemonade and ice.
http://pinguy.infogami.com/blog/vwm6
Paste the above if all seems well with your world.

The above may be distressing to some so here’s something to counteract.
http://www.oddee.com/item_87332.aspx

Nothing as strange as fact.
http://www.neatorama.com/2007/05/21/the-strangest-disaster-of-the-20th-century/